Bored? Get a lawn!

I used to think that grass (lawn variety) was just that green stuff that grows up between bricks, or on soccer fields and similar locations.  I have even seen a lush green lawn that sported a large sign that said 'Keep Off the Grass!'
Having acquired a lawn(s) of my own, I now know why the poor lawn owner jealously guarded each little blade of grass.  It's an art - it also is all encompassing.  Every waking moment is tuned to the health and well being of the lawn.  It has to be watered, mowed, trimmed, fed and generally coddled. Pests are hurriedly dispersed by carefully controlled pesticides, and the dreaded dollar weed is watched for, and suitable alerts sounded should the evil weed be detected. Now you would think that with this pampering, I would have the desired plush green 'lot', but let me tell you that lawn grass is the diva of vegetation.  Areas that should be burgeoning with fresh green shoots, will cough up a few greenish brown sprouts, thin and straggly, while the lusty grass appears in the center of the flower beds.   I have done all that I can.  I have taken  courses in the art of lawn care, I have fed, mown and watered as expected, I have even been known to sing to the wretched stuff, but  only very early in the morning. I have offered burnt offerings to the 'green gods' and was once seen sitting on my front step with tears of frustration rolling down my face as I surveyed the disaster in front of me.   Not wanting to acknowledge defeat, I went for a walk around my neighborhood, lusting after all the lush lawns that were obviously beyond my capabilities, when I noticed that one frustrated homeowner had ripped up his so called lawn, and had the area paved!  An idea was then born in my tortured mind.  I took out my cell phone, and took photos of this pristine forecourt.  Scampering home, I stood in the middle of my so called wannabee lawn and brandished the photo.  "See this?"  I snarled, "this is going to be you in a few weeks - I've had it with your temperament - you are going to be like a Longorian home run - outa here!"  I then started to research costs etc for lawn replacement.  Now believe it or not Mr Ripley, the next day I  noticed that my weedy grass shoots were looking more sprightly, and certainly appeared a little greener.  Within a couple of weeks, my front lawn is the type of lush carpet that I have always dreamed about, and if I thought I could get away with it, I would erect a 'please do not walk on the grass' sign.   Maybe I'm a grass whisperer!  Maybe I just got lucky, but secretly I know that my grass became afraid - very afraid, and started to cooperate!    Anyone for tennis?