Divorce in the Neighborhood

When my ex-husband and I purchased our home in Palm Harbor in 1997, the neighbors and the neighborhood were so different then they are today.

You are probably thinking, "Well that is a long period of time, so of course there is change," or maybe you are thinking, "My neighborhood resembles that remark too!"

Change is a difficult thing for anyone to adjust to as the routine has so much more security.  Your expectations are met, but with change your expectations are rarely met.  However,  change brings growth and perhaps a new perspective which leads you to a broader, more enriched life.

When we moved to Palm Harbor our neighbors were quite close and stereotypically neighborly.  The “Welcome Wagon” came to greet us with a basket of goodies and the new neighbors stopped by to say hello. Soon after, we received a newsletter which described events in our small community. A progressive dinner was in the planning stage as was a street party with a raffle and big jumpy house for the kids. 

I felt so welcomed.  One by one neighbors moved and the new homeowners were not necessarily “neighborly”. Slowly but surely,  these community events ceased.  Now we have a true melting pot of neighbors.  Many are transients, many are without kids, and many are renting now due to the economy, and therefore have hardly any interest in the neighborhood community.

The new neighbors are really the same as the old neighbors, except they are not looking at their home as a place to lay down roots.  It is a place to sleep and entertain, but the 2011 community is now an Internet community. 

No more sitting out front of our homes and talking to others walking their dogs.  No more block parties although attempts have been made – the coming to fruition part is not a reality any longer.  Instead we email, we chat, and sometimes we phone.  Now, there is nothing wrong with this as all communication can be effective.  It is just that the personalization has left the neighborhood. 

In 2007, my husband and I divorced and he moved out.  I noticed that I became the new concern.  I was now a single woman who is friendly, and perhaps a threat to the married couples?  Of course I am not a threat and anyone who knows me understands my belief that you don’t play in other people’s yards.  However the stigma of divorce hit home for me literally. 

I had not changed, but my neighbors perceptions of me had changed.  Again change is hard.  The fact that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce is truly taking the “Neighbors” out of the “Neighborhood.”  What more frightening than the thought of going solo in your life now after a marriage is expounded with the fact that the personalized communication lines are waning and isolation sets in.

So, we set out to find a solution to this.  I had decided after life’s lessons that finding blame is not expedient but finding solutions are.  This being said, "My Friends Connect", a website that Cece Shatz and I am creating, was born out of the need to communicate openly and freely with others who are experiencing the pain and isolation of divorce in our neighborhoods.

Online, there are many resources that help you to not feel like an island.  More important is the fact that because you divorced, this does not make you a failure. It makes you part of a huge statistic and able to move on to hopefully your best life. 

So, my neighborhood is slowly converting to an online community.  However, I still love to attend events and say hello to my physical neighbors.  I know deep in my heart they believe as I do.  We are all people who need people, right??!!

Here are some online resources that I use to connect with other people. I'll let you know when "My Friends Connect" is up and running!

Meet Up Tampa Divorce Support Social

Meet Up Friends Connect Tampa Bay