Mother Nature

The whole family is delighted! The newest baby is about to arrive - any day! The bad news is that every time the phone rings one is turned into a nervous wreck. The fact that the unborn infant is taking her sweet time is just one of the things up with which one has to put. After all, I’m not the mother. What is happening is that every acquaintance is casting pitying glances and shaking their head. If I’ve heard one horror story, I’ve heard a thousand. ”When I was expecting....” and so on’. Followed by ‘When my children were born (back in the war) they were so big that they had no baby beds large enough”. It never ends. The next person who greets me with ”No baby yet?” is probably going to get short shrift. I have toyed with the idea of wearing an updated bulletin board when I leave the house, as well as putting a stern expression on my face to match. If it’s this bad for me...you can guess what the poor mother is going through. How can any sane person look at a 40 weeks pregnant woman, square in the face and ask them if they’ve had their baby. Really? What should have been their first clue? The fact that the mother can not get in or out of any seat? Or maybe that she can no longer wear anything that was not made from a large sheet with a piece of elastic holding it in place.

I have heard that there are some women who never look pregnant - they just screw up their face, wince a little, gently cruise to the OB clinic and give birth while wearing a smile and immaculate make up. Sort of on a par with the Duchess of Cambridge. Stroll in at breakfast, give birth, have your hair done, don one of the latest fashion ‘ins’, to include heels, and go home. Yeah, that’ll be right, as they say in Dundee! I’m guessing that in our family this awaited infant will decide to brave the outside world at the most inopportune time, and very probably in the middle of the night when the mother, father, the dog and probably the doctor are ultra tired already.

She will be a joy at whatever time she arrives, and then we will instantly forget this past week or two. Well, as a grandparent, I will, because I know she is going to make her presence felt from that time onward. So please, trust me - you will know when the baby arrives. I will have a silly look on my face, and I will let you and the rest of the world know! Loudly and clearly. Until then, PLEASE don’t ask me. Is that the phone? No, my AC is just fine. Go away!