Quick Tips to Increase Your Child's Compliance and Decrease Defiance

Written by Jamie Granatino, M.S., BCBA

When you place a demand on your child, one of five things may happen.  They may readily comply, they may comply after delaying/procrastinating, they may comply but not complete the task thoroughly, they may get distracted and "forget" to complete the task, or they may outright refuse to comply.  Thorough and prompt completion of tasks is an important life skill that will help your child to be successful in their future education, work, and relationships.  This blog will outline some quick tips to decreasing defiance and increasing compliance with tasks.

1. When you place a demand, make sure you are close to your child so that you can readily follow through.  If you call it out from 3 rooms away, your child knows they can pretend they didn't hear it or procrastinate until you come to find them.

2. After placing a demand, allow about 3 seconds for compliance.  Do not let too much time to pass in which your child could become distracted and get off-task.

3. When compliance occurs, reinforce them with praise, attention, and perhaps a positive touch (e.g. hugs, tickles) or other small reward.  Be prepared to do so - if you wait to recognize your child, they may be less likely to respond quickly in the future.

4. If compliance does not occur, physically guide your child to complete the task.  This may include blocking your child from engaging in other activities (e.g. turning off electronics).

5. Do not give reinforcement for completion, if guided.  You want to reserve your attention and rewards for quick compliance.

6. In some cases, you may want to use the promise technique of showing a strong reinforcer before placing the demand on the child to reduce the motivation to escape your request.  But it is important NOT to offer a reinforcer after the child has already begun to show defiance or noncompliance; otherwise, this can reinforce that inappropriate behavior.

7. If the promise is ineffective (your child still does not follow through with request), then remove the promise reinforcer and physically guide with no reinforcer after physical guidance.  It is important to teach your child that compliance needs to happen immediately.

8. When practicing this technique make demands easy at first.  As your child's compliance increases, you can increase the complexity of the demand, adding harder or multiple-step demands.