Teaching Your Child to Wait Appropriately

Written by Didiana De La Osa, M.S., BCaBA

Many children, from young toddlers to teenagers, have trouble waiting when asked to. There are many times when one cannot provide attention or preferred items and activities immediately after it was requested. This may lead some children to engage in problem behavior, such as aggression, property destruction, or tantrums.  Teaching your child to wait may be helpful to prevent these behaviors from occurring.

1. The first step in teaching your child how to wait is to teach them what they should do, rather than reprimanding them for acting out. Explain to your child that he or she must sit or stand quietly or engage in an alternative activity while they are waiting. Appropriate waiting may vary depending on the circumstances in which the child must wait. For example, if the child is playing a team sport, waiting their turn may entail refraining from instructing others on how to carry out their turn or interrupting them and "showing them how to do it". If a child is asked to wait in the home or classroom setting, he or she should either wait quietly in the appropriate area or engage in another activity, such as playing, until they can access the item or activity they requested.   This discussion should be had before the child is asked to wait, avoid lecturing during problem behavior.  Demonstrating appropriate waiting and role playing may help children acquire this skill more readily. 

2. The next step in teaching a child to wait is explaining that they must remain still and avoid excessive fidgeting. Once again, appropriate waiting depends on the circumstances. If the child is waiting for their turn at bat during a baseball game, he or she may swing the bat or move around the designated "on deck" area. However, it is not appropriate for them to approach other players or engage in behaviors that may be distracting to teammates. Waiting in a classroom environment is very different than waiting in a recreational setting. When asked to wait in a classroom, a child should remain seated and on-task while remaining relatively still. Praising other children engaging in appropriate waiting may prompt other children to engage in similar behavior in order to receive praise themselves. Remember to avoid lecturing during problem behaviors.

3. Third, a child should not engage in problem behavior when asked to wait. Problem behavior can consist of arguing, complaining, begging, tantrums, throwing items or any other unwanted actions. Once again, it is important to intervene before the child is asked to wait. Creating a social story can be a helpful tool to clearly define what is expected of children. This can include visual aids, such as pictures of the correct and incorrect ways to wait. It is also important to take into consideration the length of time your child is asked to wait. He or she may only be able to wait a short period of time before engaging in problem behavior, so asking them to wait for an hour may not be feasible. Instead, you may provide the child with the item or activity they requested after appropriately waiting for the amount of time they can tolerate and slowly increase the time requirement to what is ultimately expected. If the child does engage in problem behavior it is not advisable to give them what they have requested. Instead have them engage in incompatible behavior, such as folding hands instead of throwing items. Having children count from one to ten in a calm and quiet voice and then having them request the item is another tactic that may be useful.

4. Finally, after the child has waited the pre-determined amount of time, he or she should immediately be given access to the item or activity requested. Remember to provide praise for having waited appropriately by clearly stating what the child did well. For example, saying "I love how you sat quietly and played with your tablet while waiting" would be more effective that simply saying "good job".

Waiting is an essential skill for people of all ages. Remember to tailor your teaching approach to the age and level of your child. Social stories may be appropriate for younger children that can read and/or attend to pictures, while discussions and clear instructions would be better for older children.  You can always adjust your approach as necessary.

Dowd, T., & Tierney, J. (2005). Teaching social skills to youth. (2nd ed.). Boys Town, NE: Boys Town Press.