Are You Insane?!?

Have you ever heard the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”  This little piece of wisdom has been part of my life for many years, though I often forget to use it.

As a therapist and human being, I see people (including myself) continually approaching problems with the same solution they have used time and time again.  And, unfortunately, as long as the solution remains the same, the result remains the same.  For example, I work with clients who struggle with self and body image.  Often, these people have addressed their feelings about their physical appearance by trying to hide or change it. (And, I’ll discuss the challenges and inaccuracies in self-appraisal in another blog!) Some commons solutions for these individuals include : losing 10 pounds, getting botox, or hiding out in front of the television with a bag of chips and ice cream to avoid being seen.

The issue here is a misidentification of the problem...and if we don’t understand the problem, any solution we come up with isn’t likely to solve it. The root of the problem is not how a person thinks they look, but a lack of acceptance of his or herself. If we were all able to accept ourselves in our own skin, then we wouldn’t have an epidemic of people misusing food, drugs, and other unhealthy substances or embracing unhealthy behaviors to escape the self-hate and shame they feel. From a young age we are taught in our society (directly and indirectly) that we need to look a certain way to be accepted in the world. We grow up watching celebrities in the media being praised and adored and we believe that their appearance is the standard of beauty we all need to meet.  Falling below that standard = ”loser”...to use an unsavory word from my middle school years.

So many people begin striving to meet this standard, molding themselves or hiding themselves to feel acceptable and good in the world.  Kids begin dieting and hating their bodies because they don’t meet the “ideal.”  And so it begins, a pattern of trying to change one's self in order to feel good about one's self. However, true peace within that same self comes from acceptance and from letting go. Accepting the body and the characteristics we were born into and letting go of the belief that we aren’t good enough if we don’t look a certain way.

This practice is extremely difficult. One simple (but not easy) solution is to do the opposite action of what our usual solution would be. Instead of losing 10 pounds so that you will look good at your high school reunion (what’s up class of ‘94?), show up as you are and prove that you are acceptable exactly as you are.  Seriously guys, a diet is not the answer. Take a chance and put your full body profile up on Match.com instead of hiding it, then living in fear of rejection once the real you shows up for a date. By presenting YOU, you will find people who like the real YOU and you will begin to find the true peace that comes from authentic living.

Did I mention that this practice is not easy?  Yes, and I’ll say it again: It’s not easy. But, different actions will result in different outcomes.  And, isn’t a different outcome what we really want when we’re feeling down about ourselves? What do you have to lose?  If this doesn’t work out for you, the diets and old behaviors will be right there waiting for you to pick them up.  So think of it as an experiment and let me know how it turns out. I’ll be seeking acceptance and practicing “opposite actions” right along with you.

Be well,

Shea