But I Was in Love

By: Kenneth Stepp

“My use to be is broken”. My ignoble words about past relationships. They may seem disrespectful or comical. But, they have depth. Many mature, working, functioning long term relationships are only running on memories. Nothing new, nothing really at all. Just a daily momentum. Like being on a hike all day. We seldom remember the steps we took to get from one spot to the next. Unless we tripped or something hurt us along the path. Is that the life we want?

Hearing the words, “Relationships take work”, this is hardly comforting if every single day is either void of anything memorable, or just hard work. What’s the point? I believe this is where being best friends come in. Have adventures, take risks, enjoy new things daily. I have been working on me for some time now. I created a hobby I call, Exploring. I visit new little towns many times a week, take pictures, eat local, and meet new people. If my forever can get into this a little. Forever has a great chance of happening.

Everyone has a journey they force themselves into. When my rebound relationship ended. I remember a line I wrote in an email when we were both still confused. I wrote, “You had a life to go back to, I did not”. Wow! Loser me, I thought after hittng the send button. I have worked hard at obtaining said life. Today, I have one. Yesterday I was at the Top Dawg Tavern for lunch. My typical 6 hour lunch of course. I spoke with everyone there, I know their names, kids, and personalities. Many of them went online and read me. That is a quality day. That is “my life” now. And, it rocks.

Have you found you yet? Have you encountered the things that make you feel weak? What are you doing about them?

Relationships fail for lack of substance and an unchanging partners. I have spoken with three spouses this week. They don’t know one another, some aren’t living in the same country. All are feeling the angst of a dying relationship. All long term marriages. The guilt and even shame of becoming emotionally absent is palpable and real. People change. Those that change but won’t evolve with their relationship, will eventually fail. Why? Because the old you, loves the old them. The new you, doesn’t enjoy the new them. This will only get worse. Once the evolutionary personality gets far enough away. Decisions become directed on self, not couple. It happens to everyone. To deny it is to hide from reality. Bad things happen internally when we do this. Growth, joy, and happiness are stifled just by being together.

I do not have a good enough track record for anyone to follow my advice. But I have the ability to look deep, without bias. This allows me to find real, substantive answers to problems. My logical side then kicks in and I impliment them into my life. This makes me a better man. A better human. My forever will partner with me and explore life together. We will have those adventures arm in arm. Maybe not daily, but certainly weekly. The couple that kids say “eww” because we got old and still kiss in public. Ha! Now that’s my kind of relationship. That is my forever…..

www.stepplife.com