Dating After Divorce “Being a Girl”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Lately i have been stuck on one main thought. What must it be like to be a girl, divorced, and trying to navigate the single waters alone? The amount of bravery, street smarts, and tenacity is stunning to think about. I have studied this topic and am going to try to channel my inner feminine side so I can write this. So hang in there with me.

Dating after divorce is a minefield for the middle aged woman. Perhaps even harder than deciding what to wear on a date, where to go, and who pays. Not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet dating is getting over your reluctance to take a shot at it. Why is it so hard? A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to ‘protect’ her and now she has to go out into the world on her own,

Being vulnerable in just about every way. She continues. But, with her guard up. This is a necessity. She is now her own protector. She and her senses are all that stands between her physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. The risk is far greater for her, than her male counterpart. Today’s men have changed. They no longer open doors. I learned this the hard way. I find myself racing to open doors first. Men no longer assume they are buying. Men no longer have proper respect for a girl’s virtue. Most men assume if they bothered to take a girl out, they are “owed something”. She must understand this and choose responses to these issues before they happen. This will help her be in control.

Part of the overwhelming feelings that have just flooded my heart during this study, has been the emotional toll on her. Girls are more emotionally aware than us guys. They have bigger hearts. This leads to bigger heartaches. Long lasting and at times, back to back. These girls have had very few breaks. Many did not divorce well. Most are struggling so much more than anyone knows. Bills come, jobs come and go, some are taking care of their children without help at all. It’s a tough existence. Most men have no clue how hard this is. For her. It’s business as usual. She knows what she has to do and does it. That is a female version of John Wayne to me.

She is to be held in a place of honor. Men, if you don’t understand this, she deserves better than you. She deserves “it all”. I believe I have heard that expression a hundred times in the past year. I am just now understanding the meaning a little more each day. “It all”. A man who loves her more than himself. A man that will put her first. Before anyone else. A man that will spend his life building her up, not tearing her down. A man that will protect her, always have her back, make love to her the way she prefers and often. She deserves a home and a stable life. I’ll stop there. I left off so much. But, “it all” is genuinely designed by the universe for her. Anything less, is not love. It’s something less. So to shuck it down to the cob, she deserves unconditional, limitless love. If you can’t give her that. Get out of her head. My rant complete. I will stop here.

“She's kind of a walking poem, she's this perfect beauty...but at the same time very deep, very smart.” - Johnny Depp

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works