Dating After Divorce "Reality Bites" The Single Mom

By: Kenneth Stepp 

I use to snapshot my life in five-year intervals. This will be about one seven-year shot. 

Reality is, what is real. Sounds simple enough. It isn’t at times though. Feelings can ramp what is real, up and down. Unpacking this may be tough. But, I’ll try. 

In the last seven years, my reality has changed dramatically. I went from a fairly normal man to what is writing this today. Back then I was completely dedicated to a belief system that I would have defended to the death, married, wealthy, and surrounded by my kids and dogs. None of these are who I am today. 

My reality changed drastically. There are days when I feel like Superman. Then, my inner Underdog shows up. Instead of looking great in tights. My floppy ears are showing. That’s reality. Life is inconsistent. Why? Because humans make their own choices. And the more humans you allow close, the more inconsistent your life will be. If you have kids. Multiply that times the amount of kids you have. Life is math, math is life. In my head at least. 

I am a single man with few people in my immediate “space”. Thus, my life runs at its own pace. The trains run on time mostly. But, I get thrown for a loop now and again. I drive a Suburban with high miles. That can be a problem. My youngest kids live 35 minutes from me. I have meetings pop up at a moments notice. But, mine is mostly, smooth. 

My ex kept the kids, house, and assets. I miss all of them. Including my ex every once in a while. She and I email. Sometimes every day. Her life is humming. She works hard every day, she has something with the kids all the time, she is always responding to something breaking on the house, car, or something else. Her life seems the same every day, but hardly ever is. It inspires some of my stories. I feel awful. I make myself available to help. This is just one of the realities of being single. It is not an equal split. Time is valuable. 

I have a friend. She has been divorced for about three years now. She makes a very good living (200k ish), lives in a beautiful home, has two wonderful kids, a safe community, almost new car, and money set aside for anything she wants. She seldom has time to breathe. The pace of her life is one that makes me dizzy. Being her is tough. 

In contrast. I have another friend of mine that is a single mom, like my other friend. But, she barely makes enough to pay her bills, sometimes, if anything goes wrong, she can’t pay them all. She has three great kids. One even drives. Her life is full of working, doctor appointments, team sports, and school events. Again. A maddening pace. 

As a problem solver, hovering over both lives, I see an immediate fix. Roommates. Five kids in the one big home, only one working, and presto. Problem solved. It may take a while for everyone to blend. But, it would be easier than the way they are living now. 

Ok. That probably won’t happen. I gave both of them one another’s numbers. No calls so far. But is there an answer to this problem? I do not believe a doable answer exists. If you are like me and believe it is unnatural for one parent to run a household. The answer is two people pulling the wagon instead of one. This cannot happen of course. Because time is too valuable to spend on dating. I call this, a dog chasing its tail. 

I am not so backwards thinking that I think all girls need to be married. A man doesn’t complete a life incomplete anyway. No one does. A person’s life can be complete and hectic at the same time. My point was that the right partner can make life better in many ways. Snuggling comes to mind. Now I am just daydreaming. There is little, if any time for romance for a life going too fast. The answer is simple, just………. 

k@kstepp.com 

Founder, American Angel Works