Dating After Divorce “The Escape”

By: Kenneth Stepp

The term escape brings a few movies to mind for me. Today I am talking about a different kind of escape. Escaping from a relationship. Or what looked like it may have turned into a relationship. Escaping with as little damage as possible. To your physical, emotional, and spiritual being. They are all in play when someone is unstable or unreasonable. I suppose we could say they are the same thing. I agree they have some of the same ideas in their DNA. Maybe a few differences. Remember. Those stories you see on the nightly news developed from these. Take them seriously.

The burden of a bad marriage is probably the toughest one. Mainly because courts, lawyers, and statutes control more of your decisions than they should. Yes. Government ordained relationships are a racket. Anything you depend on a license from a governing body to enter into and a government document to get into defines a government racket. Beware when agreeing to one. Remembering you aren’t only committing to a person. You are committing to government oversight as well. Again. Needs to be considered. That’s all I will say about marriage.

Exclusive dating. PLEASE! I need someone to define that one. You are not committing to forever. You are committing to seeing where it goes. My problem is. I have met many in these “arrangements”. They are in this because it locks their lover into only them. This is such a farce. If they aren’t committed to forever with one another. They are still looking. And trusting their partner is not. God, I sound like such a cynic. I get that. But peel away all the feel good and word-smithing and that’s what is left. No real commitment. Just this hopeful arrangement. A reason to change your Facebook status. Not much more really….

The heat I take for speaking these things will be intense but expected. Bring it. I can take it. When I dated my ex-wife. I felt the same way. I haven’t changed in this regard. We dated over 6 years. I told her until I slip a ring on her finger, we are free. Nothing says commitment like commitment. Anything less is a game. I’ve known players to use the game of commitment to ensure they have monogamous partners, and lots of them. You get my drift, I hope. A commitment is. We will spend the rest of our lives together. Our Facebook status is not a binding contract. For that matter. I know of none.

Back to escape. I have watched people escape these faux commitments over and over. I’ve seen some of the most cowardly things. Men who date someone for months, they share I love you’s, together all the time, then vanish. Disappear. No accountability for the damage done. They escaped unscathed. Of course they left a train wreck of “What did I do” or “What happened” behind. No closure, no reasons. Just a cowardly exit. It’s so sad to spend time talking through it with their victims. Not much to say. They remember the wonderful, he remembers to block them. Wrong on so many levels. The girls I have met that has had a man escape this way will take years trying to figure it out. Never really will. They will simply learn how to live with it and make every man in the future pay for the one that did this.

There are others that escape abusive relationships. I have been involved in a few of these escapes. Going to court with them and keeping them from being abused while trying to get away. Another damaging situation. Another set of memories that have the ability to taint a person for life. Stalkers, and crazies are part of this world of escape too. But I am limited in the amount of words I can write here.

Remember that everyone is an individual. That he is not the last guy. That when he says something. It should be considered truth unless discovered not to be. Remember that you are worthy of love and someone will prove that to you one day. Being able to see this man without the escapee’s face popping up is up to you. Life, love, and a future. We all want one. Escapee’s can’t come with us on this journey. If they do. It’s a short trip.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works