Dating After Divorce, What Am I Becoming?

By: Kenneth Stepp

Great title. An even better question. What am I? This was not in question when I first became single. However, after 14 months, much pain, and a steady dose of reality. What am I? What have I turned into? Do I think too much? Well, yes I do. Becoming someone you didn’t expect can be a phenomenon that stuns at first. Things that were special have become casual. Yes. I am speaking in a cryptic way.

My life doesn’t fall into anyone’s idea of normal. I struggle to grasp what normal really means. We are all individuals. So, unique and complex. Is there a normal? I realize that when I am done explaining this thought. I will have more questions than answers, yet again. Like all things this complex. The more we know. The more we know, that we do not know. My head may explode .

When I became single, I was the most naïve guy. I believed every word any girl told me. I must have been fun for them back then. “I met this guy, he believes every word I say”. Yep, that was me. I miss being him. He was in a blissfully ignorant state. But, he is gone forever.

Self evaluation is my blessing and curse. I do it constantly. I really want to be a great guy. For me, not anyone else. I care deeply about others, love helping, and conversing with them. I have two friends that have gotten to know me pretty well. I have opened up a lot to both. Spent an equal amount of time with them. Both have a very different opinion of me. How can that be? Again. Unanswerable questions prevail.

The two things I wanted to guard myself against becoming were biggies. I did not want to become a serial dater, and I did not want to become a player. You know, a person that dates many while they all felt they were the only one. So far, so good on these two. I am seeing little things about me I question. How are you doing? Have you looked inside yourself recently? It might be hard, scary, and painful. You are doing it for yourself. But, the people you meet along the way are important too.

Choices are in front of all of us. Sometimes we make choices by not choosing at all. You see,  something happens either way. I believe all big things to have the same good and bad potential. Love does you know. Love can bring elation or great pain. In my life, it has always brought both. By choosing instead of neglecting. My hope is to have a more directed life than a reactionary life. Reacting to an event, rather than planning one, is just smarter. So keeping track of my own “idiosyncrasies” is a must do. I want to be the very best partner I can be. I want to love and be loved, to breathe the same air as another and have a peace about it. I want her to brag on me when my back is turned. Not complain about me. I want to love her that good.

Do you ever wonder what your future forever is thinking about right now? I imagine things about her in great details. The only time I get into trouble doing this. Is when my rebound relationship’s face becomes her face. I keep thinking that will stop. It happens less frequent these days. Like I said. I love fully. It’s hard to reel that in just because the relationship is over. If you are one of the many that had a rebound, then you get that. My advice is to expose your heart. Go for what you want. And don’t allow your past to get in the way. They have a past as well. To be fair, both of you should live in the present, and not dig into the past. It’s the only way we can win.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works