Dating After Divorce "What Men Want"

By: Kenneth Stepp 

Ladies. Have you ever wondered, what is he looking for? I will be trying to shed light on this in the coming days, and today. First. I will not be talking about the “men” that want a woman to take care of him. I won’t be talking about the men that want to control and abuse women. I will be talking about normal, average, middle of the road men. Some do’s and don’t’s. 

I have many single friends. Guys and gals. More and more these days they are looking for similar attributes in a mate. But, they are wired a little differently. So, I’ll hit some highlights on what the men I have spoken with and myself are looking for and not looking for in a mate. There are more of the latter than the former. 

Remember. I am speaking of men that are seeking a mate. Not men that are seeking TO mate. Big difference. Men want sanity. Then they want certain traits. Myself, the list is short. Strong, smart, independent, non judgmental, adventurous, and open minded. Not all men can handle these, so know that these change with the man. I tend to be more cerebral than physical. Most men are not. Their list may include petit, large, tall, short, etc. I certainly see those things. But, they matter very little to me. I’m a substance guy. Some are not. And both are ok. 

Men looking for a life mate tend to be adverse to drama, clinginess, desperate, jealousy, anger, and controllers. Many of us were married to manipulators. These tactics may have worked the first go round. Now they are repulsive. I know in my case. If/when someone tries to use guilt on me. I can promise. They will only have a fond memory of me coming around. I would be a blocking and deleting machine. If this is your nature. The only men you can control for a while with these tactics, aren’t worth having. Welcome to the dating for life club. 

Too fast. If you seek a strong man with principles and a logical side. Moving to fast will have them looking for an exit quick. Changing your Facebook status after the first or second date is a huge red flag. If you are looking for a man that will go from relationship to relationship. Change away, rush in as fast as you can. Repeat your love vows on the first date and set a date for a wedding. Of course by the time that date rolls around. He’s on to the next love of his life. Like in slow dancing. Let him lead. If he is the kind of man that will stay for life. This is the way to show him you respect his judgment. 

Questions, accusations, and Google. For me, and I’m certain, any man worth having. This may be the single most ugly thing one can do. If you Google me, I have about 14,000 hits. I live a very public life. And, I don’t hide from who I am. Of those 14,000 hits. One is a bad one. I am accused of a few things by an old assistant of mine. Not one word of it is true. She’s in prison to this very day. This was what she said she would to to me if I turned her in for a major theft. But, I get asked. I don’t mind. If asked as if I am guilty. The exit sign calls my name. This has only happened one time. One of the best potentials too. I haven’t spoken with her since. Good men do not like their integrity called into question on a rumor. 

I suppose what I am saying is that the drama factor, mutual respect, and the ability to withhold opinions until we get to know one another is key. Projecting what another man did to you onto us is a deal killer too. You see. We've already paid for our own mistakes. It’s why we are single. We feel it is unfair to require us to pay for another mans mistakes or abuses. 

This may be hard to absorb for some. It might seem arrogant or silly to others. If you ever wanted to get into the head of a man looking for forever. Here’s your chance. I have interviewed about 30 like minded men. I chose them because I know them. This isn’t saying you should change in any way. But, if you have ever wondered why you keep attracting the same type of men. This might explain that. Self discovery is brutal. But, needed if we are to become something greater than we are. 

www.stepplife.com 
Founder, American Angel Works