Dating Over 40 & “Moving On”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Moving on…… Two small words that when put together can have powerful meanings. They can conjure up feelings of deep hurt. Thoughts of loss and regret. Two words that when back to back, become their own journey. Moving on is indeed something we all must to at some point. Most do, some don’t. This leaves them in a holding pattern until achieved. A dark place where hope is on pause until we finally release ourselves from the chains of these memories.

If love is always painful. At least for me it has been. I realize for others, it may be bliss. But for me. Love & hurt are always side by side. Why on earth would I make it my quest to have it again? Truth is. I just don’t know. I believe we are hardwired to love and partner. Nothing else makes sense to me. So, search I will. The time between being hurt, assessing the damage, dealing with it, finding closure, and moving on depends on a lot of factors. Mostly, who you are. Strength has very little to do with it in my opinion. I seems to be easier for those that’s been around the block a few times. I’m figuring that out now.

As I speak to others that have had the “Moving on” experience. They have one thing in common. At first. None thought they could. I get that. I still have those moments from my rebound relationship. I’m still waiting for those memories to become simply wonderful memories I can revert back to. Instead, they are regrets. Not really knowing what happened, and bring up the good times. Mostly staring into her eyes. She wasn’t perfect. Just perfect to me. There’s a difference. It is something one has to live through to understand.

My moving on has taken a much different path. One that entails adventure, travel, history, and meeting new people. I call it exploring. I’ve explained it many times before. Having something to fill up the voids in my life has been amazing. I really didn’t have a life to go back to after her. She was my life. Today. I have a new love. She is, Exploring, and it is amazing. If we are to move on at all, we must replace the painful times with exciting, fun, and adventure. My opinion only, of course.

I write about what I see, hear, and experience myself.  It’s all I have to go on really. Data goes into my brain, and comes out in my writing. Flawed ans mixed up as that is sometimes. I am compelled to continue. I receive so many messages from those on the singles journey with me. Some angry about what I wrote. Some angry because they believe I included a story about them. Then, the reason I wake up every morning. Those that find solace in what I write. Totally worth it.

Love to me is a mixed bag that I desire more than anything on the globe. Think about the insanity. What if your desire was peanuts. Yet, every single time you ate just one. You were in the hospital for days in writhing pain, swollen like Pillsbury Doughboy. Would you go back for more? No! Yet, every time I love, I receive such pain from it. This is why I believe we were created to love and mate. Nothing else explains it. To me. I am hyper-logical in most cases. Where love is concerned. I can be quite clinical. Until it is me that is in love. Then i become this hopeless romantic. Starry eyed and all. I go from one type of a person, to a complete other type in two seconds.

I’ll stop in the same place I usually do. With more questions than I started with. Moving on is needed for all of us. But there will be those that will be left behind. Harboring bitterness is the path that is opposite from moving on. If going right is moving on, then going left is staying bitter. I believe I had some bitter moments. They were washed away in the exploring flood. Now I have memories. They aren’t painful all the time. So, I am healing. Love is next. It’s around the corner. The real, unconditional, no limits kind. And yes, I can’t wait.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works