Dating Over 40 “Round Peg, Square Hole”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Finding another human that fits like a puzzle piece with you isn’t difficult. It is impossible. Puzzle pieces are hard and rigid. Flexibility rules the day. Why? Because we aren’t kids anymore. I remember when I was young. It was easy to fit snug with someone. Mostly because our personality was being molded into what we would become later. in life. We fit with far more people back then. Not so today.

As mature beings, most of us in a world we do not quite understand. The singles at least. We have had many life experiences. These are in conflict many times with what it takes to have a great relationship. Trust came easy when I was young because I had very few experiences with it going bad and causing me pain. Today. My heart throws up red flags at hyper-speed rates. That’s just one thing. There are many. So, finding someone that will work on these things with me is important. She will have things as well. Perhaps even the same ones. Teamwork and patience. These in a world of being a loner and racing past others. This will be tough to find.

Timing can be a big part of it too. Two people meeting at the moment they have been hurt. That can be devastating. If they try to force it. They will probably just use one another. The hurt comes back. They vanish. Probably the death nail for any future they might have had. I’m not sure if knowledge would help. Most go headlong thinking it will dull the pain. I can attest, it will not. Well. Not long term at least. Making a plan and sticking to it seems to be best for me.

I’m an odd case because I look, feel, and act much younger than I am. I may not fit in anywhere exactly. Or not perfectly. My lifestyle of shooting from the hip, flying by the seat of my pants, etc. Flies in the face of very conservative girls. In my mind though. I would be good for them in so many ways. Casting off social norms and old dogma can be invigorating to one’s life. I get that done. I believe these things can drag people down. Becoming open minded opens doors to new areas in life you would have never seen before. I always say, GO FOR IT!

I have never believed there is one person for everyone. To me, that’s absurd. We are all so wonderfully complex. Beautifully made, and perfection in our own way. We fit with many. I know I have. I look at my past loves. They are all so different. I mean really different. So, finding my “forever” is as simple as remaining flexible, stay open to possibilities, judge no one, and continue trying to make myself a better human. Sage advice, if I do say so myself.

When I meet a girl after communicating via technology. I’ve already determined that she is smart. Or I wouldn’t be meeting her. I know other things about her too. Enough to believe there is hope. I know fairly fast if there is physical attraction. I like having long conversation to know more about her intellect and emotional state. I’m sure she is evaluating me in the same way. Or maybe she has past me on the evolutionary scale and is simply enjoying the moment. You see. The more I study about love and relationships. The more I know, I do not know. Trying to find answers to questions only create new questions. A conundrum, wrapped in a riddle, on a plate of moon rocks. It’s maddening, but it seems to make me happy. Spread the joy people.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works