Elements of Love: Commitment (Part 3 of 3)

Commitment. Passion. Intimacy. In today’s society, commitment is often the weakest side of Sternberg’s triangle. The passion wanes for one or both partners, and society has the EASY button of divorce. It is sad how many couples view this as a first option when things become difficult in the relationship. Make no mistake, marriage is hard. It also has the potential to be the most transformative and intimate relationship you will ever experience.

Commitment is a cognitive decision to love even when marriage is difficult. It requires being dedicated to the relationship and your spouse. (Check out this previous post about The Power of Wii.) Commitment (like intimacy and passion) can increase or decrease at times. A strong relationship needs both partners to make the decision to remain with one another through the messiness of relationship: the good and bad, the highs and lows.

I love what Pearl S. Buck wrote: “A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” (To My Daughters, With Love. 1967) It is important to allow the space for each individual to change and grow within the marriage. No relationship can sustain itself with only one element of the triangle. Different stages in the relationship will require more or less of each element, but it is best when all three are combined. Commitment. Passion. Intimacy.

Take time to talk with your spouse about all three elements. Find ways to rekindle the glowing embers, nurture intimate connectedness, and recommit to one another and the relationship.

Read more from Marlayne on the GROW Counseling blog.