Elements of Love: Intimacy (Part 2 of 3)

Intimacy. Commitment. Passion. It is a triangle of love. Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love to be precise. All three are interconnected, and a healthy relationship has a balance of all three.

To create intimacy in a relationship, you will more than likely need to set aside time. Time is that elusive entity that doesn’t magically happen quite as easily as it did in the dating stage of the relationship. Think about it. Dating couples pay attention to details.  They ask about favorite colors, foods, vacations, books. They want to know about your family and your best friends. Married couples often forget to ask the questions that lead to deeper intimacy.

The reality is that building intimacy takes time. A long time. Years and years. And years. True intimacy does not deteriorate easily because the roots of connectedness have gone deep into the soil of one another and have taken hold. There is an innate connectedness, a bonding of two into one. Take the time to cultivate intimacy within your relationship. But beware of false intimacy which happens when a physical connection fools us into thinking we have the deep emotional connection.

John Gottman suggests the use of Love Maps to build intimacy. Ask questions about each other’s day, friends, dreams, hopes, frustrations. Welcome the answers. Intimacy can be deepened by simply sharing special moments together.

This begs the question: Are you spending time together?  If not, date night is a simple way to spend time together and nurture intimacy.

Read more from Marlayne at the GROW Counseling blog.