Mars vs. Venus…Two Perspectives on a Visit to the Vet

 My patients don’t know it, but I can read their minds. After so many years of working closely with animals, I have learned to decipher exactly what that they are thinking with the twitch of a tail or raise of an eyebrow. The dogs and cats sure feel differently about a visit to my office. This is what I hear:

The Feline

As I look over my minions, they know I am the most powerful and most beautiful creature here… Wait, why is my silly owner waking me from my critical fifth nap of the day? Ah yes, it must be mealtime.  Chop, Chop, oh human servant, don’t keep me waiting. I won’t beg like those canines.  Wait, I don’t smell food, why are you stuffing me in this box?  I did not order you to, nor do I approve of this activity! I am getting angry and I will now howl as punishment for you disrupting my sleep. I will howl at the top of my lungs while you put me in the car, I will howl just because I can and I know it drives you mad. I wonder where we are going. Could it be a vacation – yes, I need a vacation! I have been working so very hard to move from napping spot to napping spot, and providing eye candy when your friends come over. I wish the sun would stay in one place so I would not have to move. Oh no…we are stopping. That was way too short of a ride to be going to the beach house. I must increase my howling and add in some growling to see if I can force you to return me home. I also want you to know that I will teach you to do this again by urinating on your bed when we return to my house. 

Now human, be gentle as you remove me from my car and transport me to wherever it is we are going. I will continue to growl, howl, and hiss so that you know my displeasure. Oh no – the smell. I know this place. This is the place where bad things happen. I have been here before and I do not like it. I must howl and growl and now I will add in some swatting at the cage door to show how fierce I am. Maybe these humans will cower in fear and leave me alone.

Why, oh why, do they do this to me? These people who work here all in their nice white jackets do not fear my most evil howl, hiss, or swat. They seem oblivious to my ferocity. They work so fast that I can hardly protest. At least they take me away from my owner so he cannot see how I give up and let them do what they need to with me. If my owner saw this, he surely would cease to show proper deference to me. At least they give me that dignity.

Finally they are finished. Actually, it was not that bad, but I will never let them know that. I will walk defiantly back into my box and swat them as one last reminder of my power. Human – take me home now – I demand it because I have more napping to do. I am exhausted from my prolonged exhibition of force. Human - be warned you will pay; this is NOT over.

The Canine

What a great day! I wag my tail and I am so happy. There is sunshine, and wow, I am so happy. Happy, happy, happy. What is this - my friend has my leash. Woohoo!!  Even better, we are getting into the car.  I love the car! Look we are stopping. Yay, we are going into the building with all these nice people! They love me. They pet me, give me treats, ouch, what was that, it felt like a shot – oh never mind, they gave me more treats. There are lots of other happy friends in crates here. I love it! Ooh, but there’s one of those small furry types hissing and swatting, yikes! Keep me away from her. Wow, these nice people are even playing with me. Oh boy, they are taking me out to the pee yard – JACKPOT! There is a hydrant and it has so much information on it. So much to see, so much to smell! This place is great. Aw man, my friend says we have to leave. I want to stay! But now I get another car ride – woohoo!