Over 40 Dating "Who is Right For Us?"

By: Kenneth Stepp

What a loaded question. Who is right for me? Who chooses? Sadly. it can come down to social norms, what advisors think, and how much money they make. Or their social standing. I have seen them all. Of course, none of these work for me. Although women with power will grab my interest. 

We will all be passed over for one reason or another. And, we will pass over someone the same way. Sometimes, there is simply, not enough chemistry. Financially, I could care less. I remember what it was like being wealthy. We all have our definition of that. Mine was having over one million in cash I owed to no one. Over that in other net assets as well. I’ve been there twice. I love deeper now. I will leave it at that. I do believe I could be there again. I enjoy my life too much to complicate it with all that it brings. Once you have money. You worry about two things. Making more, and keeping what you made. No thank you

My girl has layers. Many of them. She is complex. Well rounded too. She has some obvious traits. Smart, strong, independent, somewhat educated, a conversationalist, open minded, low drama, loves art, sense of adventure, and a traveler. My girl is awesome. Where is she? Have I met her? Would I know it was her? How? Too many questions to ponder. Processing data sounds clinical. However, I do the romantic version of this every day. Have you ever made a list? We should all have one. A list will keep us from much confusion. Call it your “template” for a mate.

Preparation matters. Getting my financial house in order was on my list. Stop over-trusting, learn forgiveness/forget too, understanding we are all different, acceptance is key. When I am ready. I will really be ready. Ready for “what’s next”. 

“By failing to prepare. You are preparing to fail.” - Ben Franklin

I must have heard that quote all my life without it resonating inside me. It certainly does today. By jumping into the deep end of the pool when becoming single again. I found myself unprepared and swimming with the sharks. By the deep end, I meant, online dating. A person can SAY anything about themselves, use very old photos, lie about stats, etc. 

If they have been single any time at all, they can be quite deceptive as well. Leaving a person’s exposed heart unprepared for the torpedoes headed their direction. I was sunk and laying on the bottom of the pool before I knew it was actually a game I was involved in.

“The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain.” - Aristotle

If all we seek is physical pleasure. It is everywhere. And men have the advantage. Just my opinion. To me, the rules have tilted and it’s a man’s world in the over 40 dating arena. Unfair and unknown when a person first drops in. This has been an odd thing I have noticed. If one is searching for their soulmate. The field is even. If you believe in the soulmate thing. I do and have explained why in previous writings. 

“Our soulmate is the one that makes life come to life” - Richard Bach

I’ll end this the way I end most. More questions after processing than before. So, processing will be on my agenda later too. Wrap your heart in Kevlar people. It’s in the cross-hairs. 

k@kstepp.com
Founder, American Angel Works