"She is Woman" Single Strong & Alone

By: Kenneth Stepp

I almost had Carly Simon’s song title here. But, me saying, I am woman, felt weird. In my life i have known strong people. Mostly because I enjoy them, so an drawn to them. I feel as though, I would be counted in their ranks. So, not being a girl. I still believe I can speak to the aspects of what it feels like to be a strong person. And what I have observed in this trail many women possess. Inner strength.

Being single. Or as I like to say, becoming single. There is a difference. It involves many of the same things for guys and girls. Except girls have a few extra dynamics to deal with. The obvious being safety. Us guys have a first date with a girl we met online. The last thing we are thinking of is “will I be safe”. Many of us are thinking about other things, not safety. At least, that kind of safety. Then there are the finances, stalkers, and the self image that can be dashed when a guy shows no interest in her. These, one at a time are easy to dismiss. But, they have a cumulative effect. One layered upon another. It can bring her to a breaking point.

How does one become strong? Well, it isn’t easy. As a matter of fact. It takes hurt, pain, confusion, disappointments, and despair to get there. When I meet a girl with a powerful inner strength. I know she wants me to see the finished product. But, inevitably, I see the path that got her there. I then know, she’s no lightweight. She has been through a fire or fires and prevailed. She doesn’t want another fire, but she will not change who she has become to run from one either. I see, a hero. A champion in life. I want to know her. I want to know everything about her. This is a person, I can admire. Sometimes, I am awed.

When I first began my journey in Single-land. I use to naively ask myself. How did anyone let her go? I now know that no one let her go. She was a very different person when he lost her. Perhaps a weak, silent, victim. If he saw her now, he would be humbled. I would like to see that. Not sure why. Maybe that says something about me, not sure. Watching an underdog triumph is something to behold. From a frightened, broke, lost young girl, to this magnificent being in front of me. I’ve had friend question me about why I like smart, strong women. I believe I have answered that quite well here.

Having described why I love having strong women in my orbit. There can be some drawbacks. The biggest. Have you become strong and hard? Everyone will develop tougher shin, build some walls and place barriers to break through. Some build permanent fortresses. For me. That means at best, you will enjoy about half what life has to offer. Great sex takes great trust. Great trust means a relationship exists. More than a booty call relationship. So, go have all the sex you want. It won’t be great. You’re sick. Who are you going to tell or call? Not someone you “hook up” with every now and then. To be cared about, takes a relationship. I could go on. But, hopefully, you get it. There are huge fantastic things in life that require a relationship. This is actually fairly simple stuff. You want to be loved? Let someone love you. No such thing as part time love. Only part time lovers. Two very different things. Love says we use things and love people. The absence of love is to be used and use others. I do not want to live in that being used paradigm. I want a whole life. I want, as they say in the dating world, “it all”. A really woman is a strong woman that is wise enough to keep her heart open. That’s my girl.

“In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person” - Margaret Anderson

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works