Single Again "Don't Go Changing"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Admit it. That song just got stuck in your head. “If”. What a powerful word. Why? Because it means you are being rejected for something that needed changing, or must change. For those of us that are members of the dating after 40 crowd. “If” Happens! I have been on both sides of If. I don’t care for either one really.  Two letters that when put side by side means a plan failed somewhere for someone. IF has perfunctory value. And a profound nature.

Change is natural. We all have experiences that change us. It’s subtle mostly. You have a friend you haven’t seen in years. When you meet again. Something has changed about them. Really. The way you see them and the way they are have both changed. Subtle, but it always happens. Change is constant. Life is in flux. Even the most stable ones. Change is inevitable.

When someone uses IF when addressing my who or what. It’s not a lot different than who a person sounds like they are paying you a compliment, then says “but”. Those nice words before that were just nullified. Where true love exists, these do not happen. Change still will. But, ifs & buts are absent. One perk of being with the one you love. Is you are with your fantasy girl or guy. Love sees perfection, perfectly. They are flawless and without fault. Redundant, but drives my point home. If they want you to change so they can love you. They don’t and won’t. You are with the wrong person.

I am about 15 months into my journey. Alone and questioning everything I have ever thought true. This can be a scary path indeed. Losing so many faux friends along the way. Becoming a one income family. Or not a family at all. Loneliness must be dealt with. Learning to forge new relationships, and basically, learning what my life should look like. I know I am not there yet. Are any of us? You see, change not only means you pick up. You also put down.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another" - Anatole France

Leaving part of me behind….. I’m not excited about that at all. Have you thought of that? I hadn’t. I have learned through much pain, to look at what and who I am and change myself, for myself. If love happens again. I want to be ready for it. I want to win the heart that owns mine. I want more than anything in my life to win at this. My self discovery tour has been brutal. But, they have been needed. It feels like sanding the bad off at times. Painful.

Should we change? If we believe we should. Then yes. Never change to try to win a person’s heart, when they ask you. If they are asking, they have already studied the path to the door. That isn’t love. It’s control. Many sees them as the same thing. Yep, I have seen this myself. For me, i have zero control issues. I have a hard enough time controlling myself. Being responsible for another person’s actions. Not on my menu. Never will be.

“You Can't Control Love” - Celebuzz

Enjoy the ride my fellow discoverers. I can be fun. It can be confusing. It can be exciting. It can be painful. It can be awesome. Odds are, it will be all of them at some point. Don’t take yourself seriously and loosen up a little.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works