Single Again, "Open” Come On In

By: Kenneth Stepp 

“Do Not Enter”. Yep. That is the sign hanging outside of a damaged heart. The death of a dream will cause that. Even a bad dream. It wasn’t bad when you first dreamt it. As a matter of fact, it was hopeful, full of joy, promise, and life. It was the next step in your amazing life. Your name and their name came off everyone’s lips when mentioning you. You were the other half of the duo. Time has passed, years, maybe decades. Not only are you here again. Now, you have been hurt. Finding yourself to wise to believe in that dream again. What do you believe in now? What indeed. 

For me, I find myself hoping to believe again. Not believing in the fairy tale, hoping to believe in it. That is either how we are wired, or very sad. Maybe both. I say of myself that I am a very logical guy. Smart, quick, usually no one’s fool. Yet, in this regard. I am none of the above. I’m one of those that believe we are hardwired to look for, hope for, and dream of forever love. The fairy tale of all fairy tales. I believe I can prove we are hardwired this way. Why? Because human nature is that if something hurts us, we stop doing that. Pain is our teacher on every subject except love. We can get trounced, dust ourselves off, and get back on the journey. I have, and I talk to many others that experience the same thing. We learn nothing. Maybe that’s the plan. If we only look at the past. There will be no future. 

“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.” 
― Steve Maraboli 

Letting go is so hard. It has been for me. It is for everyone. Our past might explain us. It can never excuse us. To allow our past to taint our future is not a good plan at all. I have met some awesome girls. At first, they are wonderful company. Smiling, smart, a pleasure to be with. By date two, they have the list. They Googled me. Now comes the list of questions. It’s at that point that my damage kicks in and makes me look for the exit. Not that I have anything to hide, or that I’m ashamed of. The thought of someone ready to judge me because of an internet post from years ago is just repulsive. Sometimes they seem proud of being a “detective”. It’s cute, but Google makes it so that a ten year old could do it as well. 

So. Two damaged people trying to navigate the Bermuda Triangle of love. Both thinking they got this. Of course, we don’t have this at all. I believe the key to having a successful relationship in the aftermath of divorce is a list of required traits. Forgiveness, patience, understanding, and more than anything. Allowing the other to be who they are. Without all of these, it’s a waste of time. For me, I have no control or jealousy issues at all. These help as well. 

I still find myself recoiling when I don’t want to. I am still working through so many things. The good news is, I see them now. Until you do, no chance of a relationship. Keep your “Closed” sign up. Closed is better than saying you’re open, but never having looked deep at yourself. Things will always happen to try a couple. It doesn’t matter how ready they are, how smart they are, or how much self discovery they have gone through. But, if they haven’t had the self discover sufficient to see the barriers, walls, and landmines. Failure is inevitable. Start looking within today, Prepare your heart to be open to another. It’s worth the journey. 

k@kstepp.com 
Founder, American Angel Works