SINGLE AGAIN “THEY JUST AREN’T INTO ME”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Ouch! A touchy subject. It hits us all eventually. We want. And it doesn’t want back. A story for the ages. Unrequited feelings. They are the ultimate bummer in the single over 40 crowd. Instead of wasting my time wondering about such things. I look within. They aren’t that into me because something about who I am is in the way. What an opportunity for self-evaluation and bettering one’s self. I really don’t want to hear from the, “You shouldn’t change for anyone crowd”. Some changes are needed and good. I discovered this myself once.

I belong to more groups on social media sites than anyone I know. Why? Because I like various groups of people. One day the “leader” of a group invited me to a family event. Her family, but my area. If you know me, You know I thrive on meeting and making new friends. I showed up. It was at a public park full of people. I called, she gave me a landmark. I found her. Wow! I am not easily impressed. Yet, I was blown away by the quality of this girl. Ms Perfect had nothing on her. This was unexpected and a bit awkward. I am usually very smooth. I was knocked completely off my game. Now, i am so glad I was.

I had zero shot here. Not that she was some kind of a princess. But because she was herself. Who I was insignificant. She was happy in her own skin. A mom before all else. A business woman who knew what priorities mean. Not a starry-eyed girl I could dazzle with my quick wit. The word substance comes to mind. I had a perfectly lovely meeting with her. Afterward, I was driving home and thinking. I had a new experience today. Nothing I could do would ever make a difference to her. And that was ok.

My response to this event in my life was immediate. If I ever met another like her. I want to be the kind of man she would want. I was doing everything wrong one could imagine at the time. I had become and online player. I was dating everyone and anyone, I had no real foundation that defined me. Meeting her sent me on the journey I am on today. How can I be her man. Not her man perse. Her type of man. That ship sailed. The next one doesn’t have to. If I stand before this kind of quality again. I would love an option of “perhaps”, instead of, “not happening”.

Today, my journey takes me to an almost spiritual place. A self discovery mission to make me a better man. For that. I am so thankful. My future mate will be as well. If I named everything I stopped doing when this happened. I believe there would be many that would think less of me. Looking back. I was slipping into a cesspool of wrong activities. Activities i am glad I no longer engage in.

Finding our bearings in this vacation from partnering is so important. We receive nudges when we are getting off track many times. What we do with those nudges is up to us. I believe it’s a moment of reckoning if we want to find our forever love.  Without chastening we will never feel the pain it takes to change. If iron sharpens iron. Then it’s important to feel the pain of rejection. Sometimes it’s the best thing that can happen to you.

I remain friends with the person I learned this lesson from. Even after she found me inferior in the relationship arena. This is something I am so thankful for. She is an amazing human, I am fortunate to have her in my life.

This is part of my journey. I embrace it, learn from it, and am glad that my logical mind snatched it when it came in. If you are one of us, dating over 40 people. Think about the losses and learn as much as you can from them.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works