Common Sense Blog #3: Has Anyone Seen Art Fern Recently?

This is the third blog in a series about things that we routinely experience in our dealings with businesses, governments and institutions that make absolutely no sense as seen through the eyes of consumers. The blog will focus on the consumer’s point of view and although I will be reasonable with the perpetrators of these actions, I won’t hesitate to tell it the way it actually happened. All of the events are true and the perpetrators would do well to correct the problem and not explain why it must be done in a way that does not make sense to consumers. 

Johnny Carson, the legendary “King of Late Night TV”, was a master comedian who invented numerous characters, including Carnac the Magnificent (the turbaned psychic), Floyd R. Turbo, American (ultra-right stereotypical redneck) and my favorite, Art Fern (the tea time movie announcer). Art Fern wore loud plaid polyester sport coats with rakish neck scarfs. He would give preposterous commercials for car dealers in Southern California and end each commercial with directions on how to get to the dealership. Both the commercials and the directions were comic classics.

Whenever I get ready to buy a car I think about Art Fern because the act of buying a new or used automobile has become one of the most dreaded experiences in the life of a shopper. According to Wakefield Research, two-thirds of all car buyers believe buying a car is one of the most intimidating purchases they make. More than half say that negotiating a car purchase is worse than a trip to the dentist.

“The sales model hasn’t really changed since the days of the Model T—you walk into a dealership and see a line of desks,” says David Graff, director of U.S. Automotive and Industrial Equipment Industry Solutions at Microsoft. “Then someone jumps up from one of the desks and tries to sell you something.”

This makes no sense these days, he says. Today’s car buyers have too much information and are too technologically savvy to believe a car salesperson is their only means for making a purchase. The Millennial generation has grown up with the Internet, new media sites such as Facebook, and new means of communicating – from email to texting.

“These are people who are as comfortable interacting with devices as they are with people,” says Graff. “This means the old sales model for cars may not work anymore.”

In spite of all of the obvious, many auto dealerships continue to hold onto the days of the “polyester sport coat salesman.” For many dealerships, Art Fern is alive and well.

Recently I did some comparison shopping for a new car. When I was all done, I had not bought a car but I had trunk load of stories to tell about the ineptitude of some of the dealerships I dealt with.

At one dealer I started to look over the new car inventory but was quickly approached, almost tackled by an overbearing salesman who said, “You going to buy a car today?” But no, he wasn’t wearing a polyester sport coat; they are really hard to come by!

I told him I was simply looking but I did have a few questions. I asked him about horsepower and towing capacity and he referred to a manual for the answer. I then asked another question and he fumbled through the manual. It became apparent he didn’t really know a whole lot about the product he was selling.

He then suggested that I should come inside and talk to the sales manager. By this time I was curious to see where this might lead so I went inside where I observed the sales manager talking on the phone, feet on the desk, munching a slice of pizza. He immediately asked if I was “ready to buy a car today?” That must be “sales line of the day.” When I started to leave, the sales manager offered to let me drive a car home, apparently hoping the new car smell might close the deal. 

At another dealership, several salesmen were waiting next to the front door, much like vultures waiting to pounce on the next victim. I couldn’t even get out of my car before a salesman was standing next to the door with a card in hand. I like to be greeted but there is a difference between being greeted and being attacked.  

What is it with these people? Don’t they realize that they are selling a very high end product that is different than buying a new pair of jeans or a polyester sport coat? Customers for high end products require lots of information in order to compare and make decisions. I wonder what the car salesmen would think if the roles were reversed and we badgered them to sell, sell, sell!

There are some dealerships and brands that are trying hard to reverse the perceptions, but unfortunately many auto dealerships are still sadly behind in salesmanship and customer service.

It makes sense, common sense for a car dealership to understand and implement a customer-sensitive selling process. There is no better model than the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

One other point: wouldn’t it be great if a dealership allowed a prospective customer to walk around the lot, look inside a car, open the hood and trunk, and all this without someone thrusting a business card in our face? After all, most people will seek out a salesman if and when they have any questions or would like to do a test drive.

If you have a horror story about buying a car you would like to share, send in a comment.