Grandparental Obsession

One of the opportunities that retirement presents is the time to obsess about your family.  Like each of us hasn’t spent a lifetime worrying about our kids, their friends, their friends’ parents, etc.  A healthy number of orbits around the sun, coupled with years in the school of “Yes-I’ve-learned-from-my-mistakes-and-I-believe-I-can-repeat-them-exactly” make for a perspective on family that can be sentimental, fond, gut-wrenching or apprehensive.

Granddaughter Katy turned nine years old this week.  Last summer, we finally had the time together to connect (click here for that blog), despite what had been a pretty challenging time for her.  This year, their household has taken in a new girlfriend and her daughter – the daughter is two years older than Katy – and my grandfatherly antennae are up and at full alert.  I’ve learned long ago that when it comes to the lives of our kids, they are in charge…as My Bride and I often say, “I’m not sure that’s the way I would approach such-and-so, but it’s their movie.”  They each cast their life, script it, put it in a certain setting, provide the antagonist and protagonist, the inciting incidents, the rising action, the conflict, the climax, the resolution.  It’s theirs to fashion any way they choose. 

As a parent, it’s my job to have an opinion, but only when asked.  And sharing that opinion needs to be framed in a nurturing, careful manner.  Often times, my inner voice is screaming “What the hell are you thinking?” while my outward demeanor is more along the lines of “Well, I think there are some other alternatives that you might consider.”

My fear is that Katy, now, after having to be too grown up for an 8-year-old going through the dissolution of her parents’ marriage, is now going to launch headlong into keeping up with her new roommate.  My inner voice is wondering (loudly) why it is that kids have to rush to grow up…why can’t a nine-year-old just be a nine-year-old, instead of going on twelve?  For her birthday, she received concert tickets and a new bicycle.  From My Bride and me, she got an American Girl “Bitty Twin” dolls, as she requested.  The fact that her “favorite presents” were the tickets and the bike, to me, speaks volumes.  I think the Bitty Twins were a nod to her inner -9-year-old; the tickets and bike were an outward confirmation that she can keep up with her new peer.

Yes, I might be reading too much into this.  And yes, I recognize that 2013 is not 1961, when I turned nine.  Girls “mature” faster than boys, etc.  I’m all for Katy growing up, but on her own timeline.  Too much too soon is, in my experience (remembering all those trips around the sun), a recipe for a big heaping Bowl of Not Good.  Katy finished third grade with top marks, the citizenship award for her school and a ravenous appetite for math.  I’ll be watching all of those things as we go along here to make sure there’s not too much slippage.  But…as a grandparent – particularly a grandparent several states away – having much of an impact is going to be tricky.  Since last summer, we’ve shared CDs of music, photos, a story or song or two.  We have a secret way of folding a five-dollar bill that makes it appear baby-sized – a “fiver” always accompanies my correspondence north. 

The point is we have a foundation that we can work from.  Lake Week is coming soon, so we’ll see how this either continues or takes a turn. 

At some point in the future, Katy will take to writing her own scripts.  My goal is to allow her the time to see enough of other “movies” to discern a good story from a bad one, before she tests her own chops as a screenwriter. 

Who knows?  She might be a natural.  But at the same time, the gray-haired antennae remain alert and an opinion is only a phone call away. 

Yes, you can call it obsession, but at some point, what else ya got?