Dating & Becoming Damaged Goods

By: Kenneth Stepp

What a bleak title, right? It sounds awful at first read. Let’s unpack it and see if it’s any better. To be honest. I have no idea where it will lead myself. My writing style is to allow the pen to go where it likes. Today, I’m doing just that. Where did this damaged idea come from? I received a text from an old friend today. This reminded me of when I met her. This isn’t about her or even us. It is about all of us.

Becoming damaged goods is easy. Get lied to, fall for someone who didn’t fall back, learn how tough it is to exist on a single income, have someone cheat on you, have someone breakup via text. Pick your poison. If you stay single and date long enough. You may experience every one of these and even more. You can respond well at first. But eventually, they will wear you down. I noticed something changed about me yesterday. I use to always smile. It’s still my default face. Lately it is contrived more than natural. I wrote about how dating over 40 wears a person down this past March. I honestly thought it was a temporary thing. An event, not a lifestyle. From jovial to hurt has been my story. Today, my jollity is broken. You would never know it if you met me. I still have this childlike optimism that drives some people crazy.

“A jovial man can be happy with anyone, but when a sad one laughs, he treasures that one who brings him the sunshine”― Kinley MacGregor

I love to be the cause of a smile, a laugh, a happy thought. It brightens a person’s day more than most know. The smallest thing can matter. For me. I strive to be the very best customer I can be. Sound strange? An example is, I need people to write. So, I am in one of two places almost every day. Top Dawg Tavern, in Bethlehem, Ga or The Volstead Bar & Grill in Athens, Ga. My goal is to be the very best customer of my servers day. I stay pleasant, smile a lot, never complain, and tip them what they are worth, meaning above 30%. Because of this, I am treated as a friend. I don’t believe it’s the tipping. I believe it’s because I really care about them. They have a tough tough job. They are paid almost nothing. Their very existence rests on the kindness of strangers. How can you not admire & respect that?

“No matter what happens in life, be good to people. Being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.” ― Taylor Swift

The damage in my life is mounting every day. I believe one day it will become more of me that I am of me. I have to find a way to stop it’s growth and start shrinking it. My damage often turns me into a hermit. Sometimes for months. Those who only know me only surface level will never see that side of me. Once the pain of life gets so intense. I must retreat to my inner me where very little can hurt me. I heal enough to try it again. So far at least. Yesterday I was telling my server about my Boxer dog, Duchess. She was 14 when she crossed from this world to the next just two months ago. Out of nowhere I burst into tears. Thankfully I was on the patio and had my sunglasses on. Apparently I’m close to hermit mode once more. I hide it. I still write, repeat a joke or two, post happy thoughts, act busy. But very alone.

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

― Jodi Picoult

Don’t read this and think you have escaped becoming one of the walking wounded. No one does. We all deal with it our own way. I have my hermit hideaway and black glasses. Others have their hideouts as well. All others. Allow others to deal with their damage in the way that works best for them. Never judge another person for anything. You never know how life beat on them to get them where they are today.

“You can’t love them if you judge them” – Mother Theresa (My favorite quote ever)

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works