Dating After Divorce & Logical Reasoning

By: Kenneth Stepp

Does that title sound as if I have logic and reasoning down pat? If it does, it’s a false assumption. I have had several friends try to intervene in my life recently using both of these. I really do have a great, logical mind. I am simply incapable of using it in matters of the heart. It isn’t that it isn’t there. It just can’t penetrate the pain the heart uses to deal with situations. It isn’t something I can control. God knows I have given it my best effort. They say the heart wants what it wants. It actually leaves me jealous of all the narcissists out there. They must be the happiest people on the planet.

“To be or not to be, that is the question”. The person that quoted that had a logical mind but a stronger heart. I promise you that. I can think of no other reason to think such a thing. It is maddening when you know better, but just can’t pull it off. Reason and logic, just can’t fit into the heart. How wonderful to be a sociopath. That would be awesome. A sociopath is the perfect lifestyle really. If I say it, it must be true, if I do it, it must be right. Gawd dawg that sound super.

“From childhood’s hour I have not been. As others were, I have not seen. As others saw, I could not awaken. My heart to joy at the same tone. And all I loved, I loved alone” ― Edgar Allan Poe

Edgar was one weird and heady dude. I do believe he was a genius though. As a wannabe writer. I am in awe of his work. I actually get him. At least as much as a mere mortal can. “Loved alone”. I almost said this was a sad statement. It is far more common than that. Still sad. But in this world of singleness and dating. It’s rampant. Is it because people try to fall too fast? Maybe. I know I did. It happens. No doubt, it will continue to happen. I’m sure there are other reasons. Maybe sociopathism is growing. I know I want to adopt it as a lifestyle. I just don’t believe it works that way.

Barring gaining a personality disorder taking over my life. It appears I will have to put on my big boy pants and grow up. I so don’t like the sound of that. It means my fairy tale has ended and my grownup self has to take the wheel. If it stopped what I’m feeling, I’m in. My experience has been I believe it has, it seems to gain control, it’s controlling the speed and trajectory, the BOOM! The heart is awakened. It is in fact the dominant force in my makeup. All the gains made, all the moving on, all the “I’m ok now”, is null & void. The only thing working is my heart. And it doesn’t like me a bit. I believe it stems from the paths I’ve forced it down. It’s angry maybe. Vengeful even. Not a thing I can do. Trust me, everything has been tried. Being lost in thoughts that lead to dead ends is painful and confusing.

“You can obsess and obsess over how things ended- what you did wrong or could have done differently- but there’s not much of a point. It’s not like it’ll change anything. So really, why worry?” ― Jess Rothenberg

Clarity comes when you least expect it. But it eventually does come eventually. Is it what we want to hear? Seldom. But, it is a requirement to trudging through the jungles we call dating after divorce. Try to stay logical. If not, buckle up. It’s going to be a very bumpy ride.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works