Dating After Divorce “Another Weird Mood”

By: Kenneth Stepp

Ok. I decided to leave the house 3 hours early this morning. Not weird enough for you? As i was driving through the winding roads to get to Athens, No. I can’t carry a note, when I sing, it sounds like cattle dying. I began to sing. In my deep, Hulk Hogan voice, even going deeper, completely monotone, Karen Carpenter’s “The Way We Were”. If that isn’t weird enough for you. Your weird o meter’s broken. Get it fixed.

Emotions have a lot to do with the moods I acquire from day-to-day. This week has been an emotional week. So, weird happens I guess. I always wonder if others have these feelings. Most people would hide or suppress them I suppose. I suck at doing that. About 8 months ago I began a self discovery tour. Had I known it would have been so hard, I would have remained the man I was. It would have been easier. But, scrambled eggs cannot be reversed, so I’m the mess you see today.

As I look in my rear view mirror, I see a man I wasn’t at all proud of. It would cost me friends if I admitted to all of it. So, I will take many of my transgressions to the grave with me. It’s best for all of us. Well. At least me. I had become someone I could not be proud of. I met two people over time that made me realize this. Only one of them has a clue how my knowing them changed me. I admitted it to one of them. I saw it as the ultimate compliment. I hope they did as well. It’s funny how when another person’s light shines so brightly, it affects everyone it touches in one way or another. I’m still amazed at this.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ― Aristotle

How does one critique oneself? Did that sound as arrogant as it reads to me? How do I see me? Better. Through loss and pain. At least that is how I found myself. If there is another way, PLEASE share. If I find one more thing about me that needs to change, I’m looking for a tall bridge to leap from.

“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It’s better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life” –Sophia Loren

I’ve been told I am seen as a tortured artist. Wow. I wish I was an artist. I write to make me feel better. Tortured, no. I’m not tortured. In pain. I’ll go with that one I guess. Life hurts. Get use to it. None of us wins. Life eventually kills us all. Find a way to enjoy it. If you find something that brings you pleasure. Rinse and repeat. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong, just enjoy it, and ignore them. Life’s too short to listen to zealots and prudes anyway.

Why am I in this weird place today? I wrestled with the words to use to explain it. I guess writing it like it’s inside my head and letting my editor worry about it wins. So here goes. I thought I had reached a place I have not. This may be cryptic. So be it. Something I believed I had won, I have not. Because of this I will adjust my life yet again, place myself back on that dusty shelf and wait. Before writing this I changed my calendar, my thought process, and my frame of mind. Reality has a way of rattling the foundation we mistakenly believe is solid.

Today, my goal was to write a more positive article than I believed possible for my mood. I think I have. Time will tell. I always want to leave my readers better off than before they read me. More thoughtful too. Today. It’s just weird.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works