Dating After Divorce "Time For Healing"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Mainstream ideas are just not my cup of tea. So, when I discover one to be true, or worse yet, a social norm. It chokes the life out of me. I’m not saying I hate being wrong. I’m a man. I’m use to being wrong. I just hate it when something most people give as advice turns out to be true. It feels like a wonderful mystery died.

I talk text. Mainly because I’m usually driving, or don’t have my readers handy. For you very young people. Those are glasses we old people have to have to read with (I said that really slow). For those over 40. Well….I just say what needs said and hit the send button. I can’t see what it says most of the time. Yesterday I said Buffalo 02. Not only do I not know what I meant to say.It changed the entire message and my mind cannot retrieve it. I think I should do an article about the crazy messages that talk texting creates. Another time.

Back to healing. I’ve been in healing mode for most of my dating life. Maybe most are. Dating can be a full contact sport. As a man with the blood of a gladiator, history too. I can tell you that I am made to feel beaten and bloody at times. When my intentions are misunderstood especially.  I remember when I was 14 years old and attending a basketball game at my highschool. My friend and I broke away and explored. I found another student’s book. I put it in my locker, and could picture me being a hero Monday morning when I dropped it at the office. What I didn’t know is that there had been a lot of books stolen recently. Our principle had put the book out as bait. He came and found me with “help”. Made me open my locker. I’m the book thief. This event changed the direction of my life. I went from kid with a big heart to bad boy at warp speed. For those who understand juvenile behavior. We behave what we think others see in us. I changed. Not in a good way.

Every phase of my life involved me needing to heal. Preparing for single life to be a lifestyle, while praying it won’t be. That is another one of those things that changes one’s life. To guard my heart. I need to take the time to heal. Wow! It feels as if I just admitted something about me to a group. Hello, my name is Kenneth Stepp. And I’m a tree dweller. Only getting it off my chest doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel beaten and vulnerable.

Time for me has been a teacher. It has taught me to guard my heart. No one will guard it for me. I’m beginning to wonder if anyone has the ability to care about another’s heart. I guess I need more time. This is the opposite of what I believed when I entered the single’s arena. I foolishly believed every word spoken to me. Every story. Everything. Those days are in my rearview now and I already miss them.

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

Welcome to “Old Kenneth World”. That is what I brought to the table before. I would give anything to be him again. The old me. But, I did become exhausted. Love wasn’t enough. She wouldn’t accept my protection. I wasn’t needed. I was wanted for a while. Time is and has been needed. How much. No idea. I do know I am on the right track. Great things are happening. To embrace them is my only need.

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works