Dating And The Crazy Truth

By: Kenneth Stepp

Confusion and lost nerve caused me to rewrite the title 4 times. The good news is that truth wins. The truth is crazy. But, it is still the truth. One of the changes I made sure I made in myself was to always tell the truth. Even if it costs me everything. This was a tough surrender.

I’ve had what has to be the most emotional two days of my year. Many things in my life has changed. Instead of talking about the changes. I’ll talk about the effect of said changes. First. I realize that I have been wrong in a year long pursuit. I won’t say logic won. Instead, reality won. I have been on a fool’s errand. After one of what I will describe as the toughest day of 2014. I give. I tap out. This battle is over. I’ll remove my mask, walk in my show rights towards the exit after being thrown out of the ring. Never to darken this business again. Retired from the pain. Today was liberating. Pardon the wrestling analogy. With my size and voice. It just seemed right.

Chasing shadows and things that can never be is never fun. You’re chasing something that was never there. It never existed. It never will. Carl Sagan would roll over in his grave laughing at me for my conduct the past year. My closest friends would call. I speak Latin, they speak ancient Greek. Two beautiful languages. But if both of you only understand one. The words are meaningless. My very best friend on earth called me yesterday. She knew I was at an “end point”. She always does. This time we spoke the same language. It’s funny how that works when you’ve reached as far as the road will go. Teary eyed and hard to understand. “I will never be good enough” was all I could muster. Love poured out of her. Wisdom too. “You are already good enough for the one made for you”. “And, she is as amazing as you”. This was the first time I actually understood.

In this world of emotions, desperate feelings, and damaged hearts. There should be guidelines we all follow. A rule book maybe. There isn’t though. We are doomed to walk the dark streets of emotions till life is over. Our task is to learn to navigate them. This has been my downfall. I keep thinking logic and a handy GPS will fix everything. Try asking Siri on your Iphone where sanity lives. The suggestions alone will tell you are on your own.

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.” ― Anthon St. Maarten

Anthon is right. I was ashamed to admit my tears. Now, I wear them with honor. If a girl thinks they are a sign of weakness. She can search until she finds the Narcissist down the street. He never cries, has a ton of confidence, is probably successful, and can afford to go on luxurious dates. Of course, he will do this with many girls at a time, lie cheat, hurt, damage, and possibly even steal. But. He won’t cry. Makes perfect sense to me.

The perfect mate does not exist. I had a perfect mate. It turns out the only two things wrong with them was that they were not perfect and they will never be my mate. Setbacks in my master plan noted.

First. Above all things remember. If two people love one another. One will not wish they had never been born, while the other is enjoying life. Take love out of that equation. Second. There is more than one awesome partner for everyone. Stop not searching. Find someone who doesn’t hurt you. Find someone who loves your smile. That may be the best rule ever. If they love it, they will strive to see it. Logical side confirmed……

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works