Rapport, Relating to our Teens

Rapport, Rapport and more Rapport

Relating to our teens.  

Ever wonder why you are not on the same page as your teenager?  Maybe you forgot when you were one.  It might be that you have difficulty in maintaining rapport with them. What's on their minds? What are they thinking? Who do they lookup to?

Like many teens they want their friends to think well of them, they want to be a part of “the crowd.”

What is it they know?  Start there, build on what they already know and tie it with what is unknown to them. Right away there is a comfort zone for them. They can build from there.Be respectful of them, and they will be respectful of you.

Teens have a much different view of the world than we do. Whether they accept it or not their brain hasn’t developed fully to the same level of decision making as adults. That is one reason why teens take more chances.  They are more vulnerable to peer pressure and social acceptance. Teens are still looking to find themselves and in their seeking of independence comes a form of rebellion as well, that is probably the period where they feel you know nothing.

Stay in touch with current fads. What music does your teen love? Understand their terminology, what they are saying. What they are doing. Become involved. Be guiding, loving, caring and supportive. Know what they are doing. Get to know their friends.  Be a parent, they have enough friends.  Being a parent doesn’t always mean it is your way. Compromise where you can.  Understand the way you have feelings, so do they.

Reason with them. They may not like it. They are still in on the decision. 

So what is rapport?  It involves listening.  With your ears and your eyes.  What are you hearing?  What are your eyes seeing?  Feedback is giving someone back their words so that they know we understood them.  If what is being said is unclear, ask questions.  Why questions are usually a dead end street.  Start questions with Who, where, when and how.  Rapport is responding with what message was delivered.  Your facial expressions and voice tone show the speaker how you heard them. 

When speaking with them use fewer words.  Many of us tend to lecture and go on and on, and they turn off and off.  Speaking louder does not always get your message across.

Know your teens.  How do they process?  Are they learning more when they see the subject?  Maybe they need to hear what is going on.  This is a powerful tool in communicating.  Knowing how to properly communicate. How many times have you said what you wanted to say and you get back a blank stare.  It might well be you are telling them, (audio) and they are not getting the picture, (Visual).