Testosterone is in the Eyes of the Beholder

First of all, I, like others, am appalled at what happened this week in Boston. Given however, that every pudant, so-called authorities on the subject, and everyone else has over-saturated the airwaves and online sources with so much information that I really don't need to say anything but this: They will be caught and punished. We're waiting on that day, the same day that we watched the news coverage of the execution of Timothy McVeigh. June 11, 2001. That will be a day worth watching the TV. That's all I have to say about that.

Now, on to this strange life we lead: I was suddenly confronted with startling information posted on television recently. It was a commercial on one of those off-the-main-line channels. The commercial ran between the Portuguese Chat Line Babes commercial and the commercial for the attorney who will represent you if you're caught up in an illegal Portuguese Chat Line Babe sting.

From this commercial, I learned that at a certain age, men's testosterone levels drop to the point where men, such as myself, might lose my interest in things like my love life, baseball, and Chevy Corvettes, opting instead for an interest in the physical act of frolicking.

What?!!

Not me pal. I've got enough testosterone to fill the gas tank of a monster truck but even so, this news is disturbing to a guy's guy like myself. Guys like me don't know the meaning of politically correct and you sure won't catch us using buzz words like "reach out" or "moving forward" or "synergies." No sir! Sometimes guys like me don't even use the word "the" which creates problems at times but we don't admit it.

Still, this information led me to believe that I needed to prove, at least to myself, that I'm running on 100 octane testosterone. I jumped up and ran out where I frantically began moving large tree logs from one side of the back yard to the other.

Later, when the ambulance crew left, I was lying on the couch whimpering about my pulled back muscle and like many of you, sought sympathy via Facebook.

I began to think that maybe I had lost my youthful level of testosterone. Fortunately and just in time, I needed not to look beyond my television. I flipped channels until I found a monster truck competition. In minutes I felt manly again. Oh sure, I could have easily watched Glee on DVR but instead, I cranked up the monster trucks and even wore my ball cap, which I occasionally turned backwards and yelled redneck things. Was this enough? I wasn't convinced. The world needed to know that this was MY living room and it was filled with my testosterone! My turf!  

Then, for some reason, I was very tired. Being manly wore me out not to mention the wear and tear to my back so I retired to watch Glee on DVR before going to sleep.

Real men watch whatever they want.