I just now realized, for probably the first time, or in at least a very long time- I don't want everything I've ever dreamed of. A big modern luxury house, up on a mountain overlooking the ocean. A yellow 1970 barracuda convertible. A Herculean gymnast body. No, not even to be six foot five.I know, if I had all those things, I wouldn't truly be happy! Worst yet, I'd be counting down the days left before my breathe ceases to exist.Life would be too easy and I would take for granted, real emotions, that make life worth living. At one time in my life, I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be a millionaire. I wanted to date Shiela Tipton (third grade). None of those things are me!
In reality- my life turned out different.
I had breakfast with the original Mayor Daley (won an award). I stood on the sidelines of an Ohio State football game and had Archie Griffin hold back Woody Hayes, who just took a swing at me. I stood in the dugout during a game next to Carlton Fisk and accidentally stepped on Ozzie Guillen's ankle. I exchanged letters with Presidents, a Governor and US Senators. I stood on the Great Wall in China and a conversation with G-d!! (he mostly listened). I beat three possible terminal diseases. I got to tell my life story on the front page of the Chicago Suntimes and so much more...
All that is trival. You see- I've been blessed my whole life, with good people, who surrounded me and cared about me. They gave me advise (sometimes I listened and many times I didn't). I always knew that money doesn't buy happiness (it can buy other things) but all I ever really wanted was less stress and more spontaneity.
I still couldn't evade the stress, it found me. It always does.
So it comes down to- would I change everything if I could? Should I have changed anything from the past?
I leave those answers undone. I don't care about yesterday. I don't particularly even care about next week. I don't concentrate on me much anymore, because what I care about doesn't place me first. If you take the ego out of the equation and substitute substance (nature, emotion, truth) it plays a lot better in Peoria.
Take your mirror and your wallet and your misconceived, irrelevant and very subjective opinions and put them through the wash. Come clean, ditch mean, chill- deep, slow breathes- focus
it all becomes a little clearer now. You're a speck of dust in a vast universe. Ain't life just grand?
Maybe I can make a movie?
