Staff of The Onion Wants To Use the Pool Next Door

Chicago, IL — It may seem like the writers of The Onion are invincible when it comes to having a clever take on current events, but even they get hot in the summer.

And having an office in River North that’s right next to a luxury condo with a giant swimming pool is a daily tease.

So the staff drafted an ad on Craigslist with hopes of finding the owner, asking him or her to allow them to use the pool.

After all, it is completely empty nearly every day, and writing interesting details about "Area Man" after "Area Man" can require a bit more excitement.

“Every single day, we look out our kitchen window and gaze longingly at your pool,” the staff wrote in the Craigslist ad. “Indeed, it's been an in-joke in the office for years now on nice days where we look out and see one solo person lounging on the deck, and we cuss you out, jealous.”

The staff promises to limit its use of the pool.

“We could just dip our feet in, or we could just hang out for like 10 minutes to take some pics w/ these Emoji pool floats someone is sending us.”

They even used their own Friday afternoon whiskey parties as a form of repayment.

“If you let us in, you can come hang out over here. We have about 100 staffers, and we have Whiskey Friday happy hours every single week w/ beer and food and all sorts of stuff.”

KNOW CHICAGO: Headlines by email from Patch editor Tim Moran