He Said He’s Working, But He’s Strolling Online

Dear Tena

He Said He’s Working… But He’s Strolling Online

Let’s talk about something a lot of women notice but don’t always say out loud.

He says he’s busy.

He says he’s working.

He says he doesn’t have time to text back, call, check in, or have a real conversation.

But somehow, he has time to stroll online.

He has time to be active on social media.

He has time to view stories.

He has time to like posts.

He has time to scroll.

He has time to be seen.

And that is where the confusion starts.

Most women aren’t asking for constant attention. They’re asking for consistency.

A simple, “Thinking about you.”

A quick, “I’ll call you later.”

A short, “Busy day, but I didn’t forget about you.”

Those moments take less than a minute.

So when someone claims they’re too busy to communicate but has plenty of time to be active online, it’s natural to wonder whether the problem is time—or priority.

Life gets busy. Careers, children, responsibilities, and unexpected situations—we all have them.

But communication is about intention.

Someone who genuinely wants to build a relationship usually finds a way to stay connected, even if only briefly.

Ladies, sometimes we spend so much time explaining someone’s behavior that we stop paying attention to the behavior itself.

Maybe he’s tired.

Maybe he forgot.

Maybe he isn’t a big texter.

But if his actions repeatedly leave you feeling confused, ignored, or emotionally unsafe, don’t ignore what you’re experiencing.

You don’t have to argue.

You don’t have to beg.

You don’t have to compete with social media.

You can calmly say:

“I understand you’re busy, but I also notice when you have time to be online and not communicate with me. I don’t need constant attention, but I do need consistency.”

That isn’t drama.

That’s clarity.

A woman who knows her worth doesn’t chase attention.

She watches patterns.

If he makes an effort after the conversation, wonderful.

If nothing changes, that’s information too.

Sometimes the answer isn’t found in someone’s words.

It’s found in what they repeatedly do.

Love shouldn’t feel like a guessing game.

Healthy communication brings peace—not confusion.

A busy man can still be intentional.

A tired man can still be respectful.

Someone who truly values you won’t make you feel like you’re asking for too much by wanting basic communication.

Sometimes closure doesn’t come from another conversation.

It comes from accepting the pattern you’ve already seen.

Dear Tena Says

Don’t compete with someone’s phone, excuses, or online activity.

Let their actions show you where you stand.

Then believe them.

Reflection

Sometimes the hardest truth isn’t that someone is busy.

It’s realizing they may have time—but not for you in the way you deserve.

One missed text doesn’t define a relationship.

Repeated inconsistency does.

Pay attention to patterns.

Choose peace over confusion.

Healthy love shouldn’t leave you wondering where you stand.

Affirmation

I deserve consistent love.

I deserve honest communication.

I deserve respect.

I trust actions more than excuses.

I protect my peace.

I choose relationships where effort is mutual and love is shown consistently.

Question of the Day

Have you ever dated someone who said they were “too busy,” yet always seemed to have time for social media?

How did you handle it?

Share your thoughts respectfully in the comments. Your story may encourage someone else who needs to hear they’re not alone.

If you have a relationship, dating, or love question you’d like answered in a future Dear Tena column, email askdeartena@gmail.com. Your privacy will always be respected, and identifying details may be changed to protect your identity.

With love,

Dear Tena

About the Author

Shauntaa Blackwell is the creator and voice behind the Dear Tena relationship advice column. She is a published novelist, freelance writer, fine art photographer, and ordained minister based in Chicago Heights, Illinois. Through Dear Tena, she offers honest conversations about love, dating, relationships, communication, healing, and self-worth—encouraging readers to recognize healthy love through consistency, respect, and intentional actions.

P.S. If today’s column spoke to you, share it with someone who may need the reminder that love should bring peace—not confusion.