Love Thy Neighbor: How to Help Families With a Deployed Service Member

The best advice for those who really want to help a neighbor when a family member is deployed with the military? Be proactive and be specific.

“It’s one thing for people to make offers such as ‘call if I can help out in any way’ which is appreciated; however, most people won’t take someone up on such an offer," says military wife Kirie Reveron, formerly of Lincolnshire, who now lives in Rhode Island.

She suggested offering specific help instead.

"If someone were to bring their teenager over and say, ‘Susie will watch the kids while I take you out for a cup of coffee and some adult time,’ or even, ‘I’ve hired a baby sitter for the morning so you can do your errands and get your hair cut,’" Reveron said, "something along those lines, where the person doesn’t necessarily have to ‘ask’ for specific help and feel that they are putting someone on the spot.”

Going from a two-parent to a one-parent household due to military service can be a challenging situation for even well-run family units. Not only do all responsibilities fall on the parent who stays behind, but the loneliness can weigh heavy on the family, too.

“I have a friend that will give me a quick call mid-afternoon to say, ‘pizza night, on me!’ and bring over dinner for me and the kids. It’s great to have a visit and not have to worry about making dinner for the night,” says Reveron, whose husband, Derick, has been away on active duty for 11 months.

“People don’t realize that wives become single parents when their spouse is deployed,” says Navy wife Hillary Fain of Grayslake. “Little things like mowing the lawn, shoveling the driveway, helping with carpooling kids around, can really save the day.”

With the holiday season coming up, inviting a family over to spend some time together might help with the obvious absence of a parent who is overseas. The main objective is to be specific as you offer to help.

Another tip Reveron shared is to take the kids shopping for things like parent gifts for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or birthdays. That way, the kids still can remember the parents without having that parent having to buy his or her own gifts. It’s fun and exciting for all members of the family.

“I appreciate all the well-wishes on Facebook, and even a call to say, ‘We’re thinking of you … You’re in our prayers,’ goes a long way, too,” says Reveron.

• For military families seeking support, go to www.MilitaryAuthority.com/. Connect with military friends, join discussions and share your stories.

• United We Serve, the corporation for national and community service, is a comprehensive national initiative to mobilize all sectors of society to give our service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned. Learn how you can help at www.serve.gov.

• To show support for all American heroes, attend the 9/11 10th anniversary commemoration at  from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sunday, Sept. 11.