Another Christmas Without You

Another Christmas Without You .

"Dear Tylor , it's mom. It has been 9 years since you died and it's been a tough time . I left Wisconsin 7 months after you died and I went to St. Louis by myself without the kids . I stayed in St Louis for 2 years with my best friend . I missed the kids so much that I moved back to Illinois. This is when I became homeless and Ì entered a shelter called the Hope House. I had been saying since you died that I had lost Hope and I could hear your voice telling me that you did this. Thank you son for getting me here . I stayed for 3 & 1/2 months until I got a job with a five-star restaurant as the lead hostess, I had found Hope . I now had my own home and àn awesome job . The kids came to stay with me for Christmas and we had a good time.

I moved again and it would be the first of many times that I would move. I could not find a place to land and all I could think about was you ,everywhere I went it was horrible I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I began passing out worse at my new job and I thought it was my heart. My job made it possible that I could take a time out when I needed it and so it would go on like this for the next year.

This is the time where I thought that I could do better and get a better job so I got a job with Golden Corral as a lead hostess with more pay and passing out would continue and get worse I finally went to the hospital to find out that I had Syncope . I tried one more time at Olive Garden but I was still passing out so I quit my job because I knew that I could not do a good job anymore. This is when I decided to go homeless. I stayed on the street for one year and it was the greatest lessons that I would learn.

I learned how to get around the streets and make money the legal way. I found a company that did product testing for cash and I would spend my days making cash so that I could eat and panhandling did not go so well for me. I was being hit on by random men, so I decided not to Panhandle anymore and I decided to just do product testing for cash. Some days I would come back with over $100 some days I would just come back with $20 didn't matter as long as I could eat something filling.

I heard a rumor on the street that there was grant money being given to the town that I was homeless in to get them off the streets and I felt a stronghold inside to sign up. I went to the library where they were signing up for housing and I signed up. I didn't think I was going to make it on the streets alone so a family took me in. I met her at the library she was a community engagement officer. She was married with twin sons whom I adored. They took great care of me for five and a half months until I got the call for my new home. It was Christmas time and it it was the best present I could get.

Your sister came back to live with me I was so glad, I had missed my kids. I had missed being a mother. For the last three years I have been working on therapy for my grief for past abuse and for things that I am going through at the moment. This is the second year that I have celebrated Christmas I put up a tree in honor of you Tylor . As I anticipate another Christmas Without You, love Mommy."