Obituary for Former Oswego Woman Mentions Suicide, Depression for Good Reason

From left, Aletha Pinnow and Eleni Pinnow. Photo courtesy of Eleni Pinnow.

A former Oswego woman’s tragic suicide forced her sister to write an obituary that was both unexpected and refreshingly honest. Most obituaries don’t announce the cause of death. Often, if a suicide, the person “died unexpectedly.”

But Eleni Pinnow didn’t want to sugarcoat her sister’s death. She wanted to tell the truth.

The first line simply reads: “Aletha Meyer Pinnow, 31, of Duluth, formerly of Oswego and Chicago, Ill., died from depression and suicide on Feb. 20, 2016.”

The obituary does everything a good obituary should. It gives a glimpse into Aletha's life and shows what made her mean so much to so many.

"She loved animals, theater, Halloween, Star Wars, cartoons, preparing food for loved ones, and cuddling with aforementioned animals. She did not love France (they know why) and William Shatner (who also presumably knew why). Aletha was fond of making her mom laugh until she literally cried and helping her dad do anything and everything. It is impossible to sum up a woman so caring, genuine, vivacious, hilarious, and sparkly. Those qualities were so obvious to everyone around her. Aletha was her family's whole entire world. She enriched the lives of countless colleagues and students."

But Pinnow also addressed her sister’s demons.

“Unfortunately, a battle with depression made her innate glow invisible to her and she could not see how desperately loved and valued she was,” the obituary said.

In an article written for The Washington Post, Pinnow recounts the night her sister died.

“The most alone I have ever felt was standing on my front porch on a chilly February evening. My sister had taped a note to the front door that said ‘Eleni, if you’re the first one here don’t go in the basement. Just call 911. I don’t want you to see me like this. I love you! Love, Aletha.’”

That’s when Pinnow realized she needed to do one thing: tell the truth.

“By the time I sat down to write my sister’s obituary I knew that the opening line could only be one thing,” Pinnow wrote.

Pinnow said depression lies and it was her job to tell the truth.

Depression had told Aletha that she was no good, worthless, better off dead, but Pinnow saw through the deceptions. Pinnow wrote:

“Here is the truth: My sister was amazing. She exuded life and made my life millions of times better just by existing. Any time I needed help, any time I was struggling, any time depression and anxiety overwhelmed me, Aletha was there. Any time I had a good day, I needed to share it with her. She was my anchor. Aletha and I had a relationship and a closeness that I will never have again."

In an email interview with Patch, Pinnow said writing Aletha’s obituary in that manner was the only way she could think of to remember her sister.

“She was larger than life and truly amazing (and she was hilarious) so this just felt authentic to Aletha,” Pinnow said.

Since then, the reaction from family and friends has been “overwhelmingly positive and supportive.”

“I genuinely can’t believe how many friends reached out to me to offer support. My family has also been amazing—they’ve also never wavered in their commitment to be open and honest,” Pinnow told Patch. "My sister was phenomenal. I will always love her. And I will spend the rest of my life, until my dying breath, trying to raise awareness and talking about depression and suicide."

A memorial service will be held for Aletha at 2 p.m. June 4 at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Oswego.

Those who are contemplating suicide can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or visit save.org.

A scholarship fund in Aletha's name has been started at her alma mater, Northern Illinois University. Checks may be mailed to NIU Foundation, PO Box 746, DeKalb, IL 60115-0746. Be sure to write NIU Aletha Pinnow Endowment on the memo line.