Remember Back to 911: A Personal Story

Written by Melanie Santostefano, Founder of Vicarious Multimedia

When I think back to where I was, and what I was doing on 911 (September 11, 2001) - it feels insignificant. I wasn't running from a structure that was imploding; I wasn't watching my friends jump from windows of burning buildings, and I wasn't in what I believed was extreme danger (though I will say that I was terrorized that those kamikazi pilots were coming for all of us....).

I was a news reporter, in of all places, central Illinois (Decatur to be exact) when I got the news. I was actually listening to our morning show personality in my car, as I was driving to make my house payment at a bank in a neighboring town - and I heard a tone in his voice that frightened me. He announced that a plane had hit a huge building in NYC and that it had just come along the 'wire' (a term us old news people use) - and he expressed a real sorrow for what everyone had to know was a huge loss of life....it being already past the start of a work day in New York City in the World Trade Center complex. None of us knew what was yet to come....

About 10 minutes later, he sounded even more panicked - I had just exited to bank and was back in my car headed home...he said that another plane had hit. By the time I made the 40 minute trip back to my house, yet another plane...and then there was another. For the first time in my life, I had real fear of what was to happen next.

What unfolded over the next hour or two caused such a deep dread in the deepest parts of my soul..... such a feeling of terror , and a horrible sympathy for what all of 'those people' who were truly in the middle of this - and what they must have been going through. I dare to say that those of us who weren't in the middle of it could not even imagine it. Not even close.

Funny thing was, I had given my two weeks notice at the radio station I worked at - because I felt like what I wasn't doing something that had meaning any more....the news I reported over the last (nearly) year felt mundane - like I wasn't able to be impactful - or to tell meaningful stories that affected and/or helped people.

The morning of 911 changed all that for me...and when I walked into our newsroom at 11am (my scheduled time due to a late night meeting) I took back my resignation - immediately.

For the next 8 hours, I remained live on the air or conducting interviews with people such as the Macon County Coroner and the Sheriff, the Decatur Fire Chief, the city's public information officer (the infamous Billy Tyus) -- anyone who could shed light on what the people in the middle of all this chaos might be going through. My heart, and the hearts of my colleagues, and our listeners, and so many others we weren't even connected to...symbolically bled for the people in the middle of this....the first responders, the innocent citizens...the people who asked for nothing else but to be able to wake up to a day of work, or a day of travel -- it blatantly hit us all that these poor people were never to see the end of that day. Oh, does it burn to think about all of those loved ones who lost so much that day....

What I'm proud of is that our radio station kept going....our station manager (THE Joel Fletcher) organized a fundraiser, so at least we could be doing something that was impactful- as we couldn't really do anything other than learn more and more about the devastation, loss and tragedy.

In my privileged position of having some of the 'inside news' as a reporter, I can tell you it was all so traumatizing. The loss of life, the indeference for life shown by what I will call cowards who killed so many innocents, and the devastating results that followed. So many people were damaged forever - and it fell hardest onto the survivors and of those who were forced to mourn their loved ones too, too, early.

What 911 did for me....it caused me to recommit to reporting the news - which has guided my life in many, wonderful and amazing ways since that day. I once again realized the impact I/my former profession can have - especially when people are yearning for information. Things can get done/be accomplished and the marker can be moved forward in wonderful ways. It is how connections were re-established after those frenzied and cloudy hours following what I hope to be the worst day of my existence here on Earth.

I still cry for all of those people who were lost (even right now as I write), and for the people who loved them. Also for the children who lost so much, who would never know what they should of known by having those lost ones in their lives. So much was taken, but I can only image, much was also gained in many different ways - though tragically. Appreciation for those that survived; appreciation for those who did not; a more special understanding of this thing we call life - that is fleeting and that can change in a mere moment based on variables such as timing, geography and other things completely out of our control.

I always go back to thinking one basic thought after going through 911-we must all understand the value of those we love - and show them - because tomorrow can bring a whole new reality. One thing that I distinctly remember after this day and the weeks and months that followed, was that I witnessed a fragility in the people I knew, a new kindness due to being humbled, and a sincerity that I felt I hadn't seen in a long time.

Let us all hope that it won't take another tragedy to ensure that we all can think and act with kindness as a reflex - instead of being forced to do it based on dire circumstances....to express humility and sincerity naturally. Let's take it upon ourselves and realize these pillars of conduct are simply essential in order to truly live life.

Bless all of those souls - and not only those who were lost, but also those who survived them. 911 is a day so many of us cannot forget....let it be something that is always a reminder of our mortality, and that we must appreciate and love those that we hold special and sacred in our lives and in our hearts.