Terminally Ill Man Marries The Love Of His Life

CRESTWOOD, IL — For Dan and Lisa Coghlan, 2018 has been the best-worst year of their life. They’ve learned to cherish one another, that sometimes in life, love is not possible without sacrifice, and sacrifice is not possible without love. So on Saturday, the Crestwood couple decided to get married all over again.

Eight years ago before he met the love of his life, Dan, 33, was a union foreman for a scaffolding company. One day in 2011, at the top of a building, Dan felt a “little off.” Enduring his fourth straight day with a headache, Dan drove himself to emergency room at Palos Community Hospital. Doctors discovered a non-cancerous tumor growing in his brain.

“He went by himself, they actually let him go home that day,” Lisa said. “Even his mom didn’t know he went to the emergency room.”

The tumor was removed, but three months later, after a follow-up MRI, it reappeared, this time as a malignant anaplastic astrocytoma tumor. Dan had a second surgery in 2012. He completed the usual grueling chemo and radiation treatment. He got on with his life, despite doctors telling him that his days of working on scaffolds were over.

A Hallmark Christmas Movie

In December 2012, Lisa was fresh off an amicable divorce from her first husband. They had gotten married too young and drifted apart. Lisa wasn’t looking for relationship when she was invited to a party in Beverly, one of those friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend invites. Like a Hallmark Christmas movie, Lisa found herself immediately drawn to a quiet, shy young man at the party.

“I couldn’t tell you how it happened,” Lisa, 32, said. “It’s so funny because Dan is quiet and reserved, I’m outgoing and loud, a blabbermouth.”

The two started talking and hit it off. Dan gave Lisa a ride home. He told her was going to visit his aunt in Florida. They continued to text each other. When he returned home on Christmas Eve, Dan and Lisa became inseparable.

“I was captivated by the fact that he was always polite,” Lisa said. “You hear horror stories about pick-up lines. He was a true gentleman from day one. He has this weird way about him. From the moment you meet him, you know he’s an honest, trustworthy person. You want to tell him your whole life story.”

Dan was upfront with Lisa about the terrible year he just endured with brain surgery and chemo. He was going in every three months for MRIs, in what doctors refer to as “watchful waiting.”

“I asked him if was scared,” Lisa said. “He told me he was in remission and not to worry about it.”

Because of his past radiation treatments, Dan wasn’t sure he’d be able to have children. Much to their amazement, at the end of 2013, they discovered that Lisa was pregnant with the couple’s first daughter, Riley.

“I had some issues too,” Lisa said. “We both felt so blessed with Riley. We thought that no way were we going to have a second baby. We were grateful for what we had.”

'We're Just Going To Keep On Being Happy'

On July 19, 2015, Dan and Lisa went to the Daley Center in downtown Chicago where they were married by a judge. They both promised themselves that they would one day have a church wedding. Crammed into those precious stable years was much happiness. Two more children came along in rapid succession, a son, Brody, and another daughter, Harper.

“When someone has a past like Dan’s, it puts everything into perspective,” Lisa said. “We had kids right away. We don’t have silly arguments.”

Less than a month after Harper’s birth, Dan started experiencing problems reading. So with three small kids in tow, back to University of Illinois at Chicago Hospital they went. On Dan’s birthday — Oct. 20, 2017 — doctors told them the tumor resurfaced as a glioblastoma grade 4 tumor.

"His doctor made a comment early on that has stuck with me ever since," Lisa said. "Be careful what you say because every cell in your body is listening. We're just going to keep on being happy. We are going to keep running from it."

Six weeks later, Dan was enrolled in a clinical trial. His speech rapidly declined. A pair of cysts grew where the third tumor was removed. In November, Dan was fitted with an Optune device, that creates an electrical field around the tumor to disrupt the growth of cancer cells in the brain. Dan and Lisa told the kids that their father was “super powered.”

“It’s quite the life-changing piece of equipment,” Lisa said. “He has to wear it all the time. It’s hooked up to a 3-pound battery. We have to bring all his batteries with us. It has wires hanging off it. With little kids it’s not always easy.”

The Best Worst Year

The year 2018 hasn’t been easy for the couple. Dan is able to speak, but it's difficult for him to hold long conversations; the tumor has robbed him of his peripheral vision. He can no longer write a sentence. He's still mobile. Except for a surgical scar on his shaved head, one would never know that he is gravely ill. Lisa quit her job in an optometrist’s office to care for Dan 24/7. She manages his meds and drives him to doctor appointments. She handles his texts to his friends. The only time they are apart is when Lisa takes the children to and from preschool.

It’s important to Lisa that Dan doesn’t feel depressed or cut off from the world. She tries to give him his life.

“I could not handle what he has gone through with a fraction of the grace that he’s shown. He deserves to have kids and someone by his side,” she said. “I feel like he’s my calling. You go through life and you don’t know your purpose. I feel like the stars aligned for Dan and me, that we were destined to meet.”

Dan's only regret was that he and Lisa didn't have a church wedding. The financial toll of cancer has swung through their lives like a wrecking ball. Dan’s disability check covers their mortgage. The rest of the time the couple relies on the goodwill of family, friends and strangers. The expense of a church wedding, no matter how modest, was out of the question.

“If he didn’t have Lisa in his life, he would not have fought as hard as he’s had because he’s never had a love like hers before,” said Dan’s best friend, Art Mrumlinski. “Because he is so quiet and reserved, he didn’t have that many girlfriends.”

Art, his wife, Jen, and other friends decided they would give a wedding to Dan and Lisa. The pieces quickly fell together. Hearing of Dan and Lisa’s incredible love story, Jamie Ruggio, owner of Bella Sposa Bridal Boutique in Tinley Park, donated a wedding gown. Diamond Formalwear contributed a groom’s suit. Classy Flowers designed the flowers. The Palos Country Club provided a room for the reception, and James Traut of Big Fish Music Productions volunteered his DJ services. Photography was donated by Kirstin LaRoche of LaRoche Photos, videography by Curtis Sehy of Curtis Sehy Videography. Food was catered by Francesca Barraco Aye of Barraco's in Orland Park.

“We were floored,” Lisa said. “Dan was immediately excited. It was two straight days before we could wrap our heads around it. It’s been something really fun to look forward to at a hard time in our lives.”

'On the fourth day of Christmas'

On Saturday, friends and family gathered at the Wayside Chapel At The Center in Palos Park to watch Dan and Lisa renew their vows. Dan removed his headgear for the ceremony. Daughters Riley and Harper, dressed in miniature white bridal gowns, served as Lisa’s bridesmaids of honor; Brody was his dad’s best men. Uncle Mike Coghlan officiated.

And while the groom couldn’t speak, his beaming smile filled in all the blanks as he and Lisa each poured their own separate vials of unity sand into a single clear vessel, spelling out their love for one another:

“I loved you yesterday,
I love you still,
I always have, and I always will.”

Readers may keep up with Dan Coghlan updates on Caring Bridge. Contact Dan and Lisa at CoghlanStrong@gmail.com | Dan and Lisa Coghlan and their children, Riley, Brody and Harper, Dan and Lisa Coghlan | Kirstin LaRoche; the generous vendors who donated goods and services.