Mom Talk: Sex And Vaccinations

Now here's some logic that I think should make sense, but doesn't. There is a vaccination for both boys and girls that would prevent cancer. But some moms are refusing it.

It's cancer. We're talking about the Big C. So why isn't there a long line out the door to prevent it? Because the types of cancers we are talking about are linked to sexually transmitted diseases.

The parents who are refusing the vaccine claim they would rather teach their daughters safe sex. (The vaccine is relatively new for boys.)

If I may quote my cousin, Dawn, my answer is that is bologna sausage.

First, I want to talk about the vaccine, and then I'm going to say why refusing it's bologna sausage.

The STD in question is the human papilloma virus, or HPV. Currently, about 20 million Americans are infected with HPV, and another 6 million contract it each year, according to the Center for Disease Control.

Those are big numbers, people. 

HPV has different strains which can lead to a variety of serious medical issues. So for all those delicate flower moms out there who don't want their babies to, you know, have (whisper) sex, let's talk turkey.

There are many ways to catch it. Here's my new slogan: STDs aren't just from sex anymore. HPV is passed with oral, genital or anal contact. Rubbing up on each other without actual penetration could do it.

HPV doesn't just affect the "down there" part of the body. Some kinds of HPV can cause genital warts in both males and females, including warts in the throat.

Yep. The CDC says that fewer than 2,000 children get this type of throat wart every year. It can be passed down from mother to child.

In terms of cancers, cervical cancer is the most common. Less common cancers caused by HPV include vulvar, vaginal and penile. Remember the lovely Farrah Fawcett? She had anal cancer, another kind that can be caused by HPV. 

The vaccine, commonly known as Gardisil or Cervarix, doesn't prevent all of the strains, but it sure prevents a lot of them.

Your little princesses and princes don't have to be doing a lot of the big nasty to come in contact with some sort of HPV strain. According to the American Social Health Association, an estimated 80 percent of people having sex will come in contact with HPV sometime in their lives.

Oh, by the way; there is no cure.

So here's why I think it's total bologna sausage not to vaccinate. It's quite simple: people cheat.

I think it's entirely possible to raise children who get married as virgins and remain in committed relationships their whole lives. I don't think it's likely but we can sure try, as parents, can't we?

For a moment, let's put on our rose-colored glasses and pretend that's going to be the case with all our children. We still can't guarantee that our baby dumplings will choose spouses who do the same.

For example, I have a friend who is totally virtuous, goes to church, walks the walk. She was married to her childhood sweetheart for double-digit years. He is the only one she has been with. Ever. And mysteriously, she started getting STDs.

Sadly, I know several women who whose low-rent, SOB, parasite husbands cheated, giving their wives STDs. And before you readers revolt on me and call me a man-hater, I am not. Indeed my two most favorite people in the world are both male. It just so happens that I don't know any women who cheated, giving their husbands the clap.

The odds of catching HPV are so great. And the prevention is so small. A few shots as a tween or teen ... big whoop. If you can prevent cancer, do it any way you can.

I'm going to say that again. If you can prevent cancer, do it any way you can.

After all, for people like Miss Farrah, it can be a real pain in the ass.