The Stress of Family Caregiving: Spot the Signs, Reduce the Impact

By Marianne Tomlinson

More than 34 million Americans are unpaid caregivers providing care to someone age 18 and older who is ill or has a disability, according to the AARP.

Are you one of them?

If so, you have a really tough job. Between taking care of your immediate family, holding down a job and being a caregiver, you are probably having difficulty—and may well be experiencing a deterioration in your own health—as you try to balance it all.

Caregivers face many pressures that can take a toll over time, including:

·         Fear or uncertainty: If you are in the position of caring for someone with a serious illness, you are probably dealing with concerns about your loved one’s future. You bear heavy responsibility and can find yourself in scary situations.

·         Shift in roles: If you are caring for a parent, and helping them get dressed or taking over driving responsibilities, it can be difficult to see the roles shift with someone who has traditionally cared for you. Caring for an ill spouse? It is tough seeing your loved one in such a vulnerable position and it’s often hard for those needing care to feel so helpless.

·         Financial pressure: Doctor bills and other treatment fees may mount, with less energy left for work. It’s a math equation that can equal great financial stress.

·         Isolation: When dealing with the needs of someone who requires constant care, a caregiver can feel isolated from the rest of the world. Whether you are in a position where it’s unsafe to leave your loved one alone, or even if they just get lonely when you leave, you may find yourself much more tied to the house than before. This can make it more difficult to get exercise, connect with others, and otherwise counteract stress.

·         Little time alone: Here’s a double whammy: caregivers may not only feel isolated from others, but also find they have very little time alone. The need for solitude is very real for most people, and suffering lack in this area can feel confusing and especially frustrating when you also feel isolated. 

·         Demands of constant care: Whether giving round-the-clock care or always living with the specter of needing to step in on a moment’s notice, the feeling of “always on duty” can be burdensome.

·         Guilt: Sometimes the responsibility and feelings of isolation can be overwhelming, prompting feelings of burnout. But those feelings can trigger guilt, as though they’re a sign of disloyalty.

It may be unrealistic to think there is any panacea that prevents long-term emotional and physical toll on caregivers. But there are some effective steps that you can take to minimize the impact. Among them:

·         Try to keep a positive attitude. Believe in yourself.

·         Accept that there are events you cannot control.

·         Be assertive instead of aggressive. Assert your feelings, opinions or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative, or passive.

·         Learn to relax. Learn to use stress management techniques and coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing.

·         Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit.

·         Stop smoking and limit yourself to moderate alcohol and caffeine intake. Don’t rely on alcohol and drugs to reduce stress.

·         Set realistic goals and expectations.

·         Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events.

·         Learn to delegate and accept help with caregiving, both at home and at work. Be prepared with a list of ways that others can help, and let the helper choose what he or she would like to do. Don’t feel guilty about having to accept help.

·         Focus on what you are able to provide. Don’t give in to guilt. Understand that no one is a perfect caregiver and accept that you are doing the best you can at any given time. Your house doesn’t have to be perfect, and no one will care if you eat leftovers three days in a row.

·         Get connected. Join a support group, which can be a great source of making new friends and receiving encouragement and advice from others in similar situations.

·         Seek social support. Make an effort to stay emotionally connected with family and friends. Set aside time each week for socializing, even if it is just a walk with a friend. Whenever possible, make plans that get you out of the house. Keeping a strong support system is a great ally in managing the stress associated with caregiving.

·         Watch out for signs of depression, which is very common among caregivers. Get professional help if you need to.

·         Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s condition. Information is empowering.

·         Keep your sense of humor. It’s the most important tool you have and it’s free. Laughter is good for the soul.

Marianne Tomlinson, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, works with older adolescents, adults and couples and her specialties include anxiety, depression, relationship issues, parenting, stress, and life transitions. She is a therapist at NOVO: Renewing Joy in Life, a St. Charles clinic online at www.novocounsel.com.