Chronic Grief

Well...I knew it was only a matter of time until I ventured off into the more serious area of emotional health! Mental health is something I believe is a key part of our overall health. Like the Y says: body, mind, and spirit!

WARNING: If touch-feely stuff freaks you out you may want to go back to my previous post about “" Haha :)

I learned a new term today: “Chronic Grief”. I read about it in The Beacon-News referring to Alzheimer’s and the woman described it as “It’s like the person died, only it’s taking 13-14 years.”

As I thought more about the term “Chronic Grief” I realized it describes my feelings about the long-time struggles we’ve had with our son. Many of you already know that long ago my 29 year old son was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the many idiosyncrasies that go along with the disorder. Now you all know!!! I won’t go into details, maybe, probably, someday…..let’s just say it’s been many years of learning to-or at least trying to-manage the anxiety in my life :) Long ago I decided that this ongoing heartbreak in my life would not destroy me nor would it define me. And it’s been super easy-yeah, right!

One of the things that I have learned in my involvement with people in recovery and in various support groups, is that, as part of the healing process, a person must accept that there is a necessary grieving process to work through to be emotionally healthy. Loss of dreams, relationships, health, a lost childhood and more. I also know that the grieving process can be triggered at any given (unexpected) moment and start all over again.

But as I pondered on the term “Chronic Grief,” I came up with more and more situations that may fall into that category. I found this definition on the website for the NCBI National Center for Biotechnology Information:

“Chronic Sorrow….describes the long-term periodic sadness in reaction to continual losses…. cyclic sadness over time in a situation with no predictable end; external and internal stimuli triggering the feelings of loss, disappointment, and fear; and, progression and intensification of the sadness or sorrow years after the initial disappointment or loss.”

I think this could describe so many relationships where a loved one is gone but not “gone”. This might be the loss of someone due to mental illness, chronic illness, addiction, even an absent parent or fill-in-the-blank, the list goes on and on.

So are you completely depressed thinking of all the sadness in your life? Or just in my life? haha! In the whole world? I have reluctantly become the “Queen of Resilience” and I have a million little tricks I use :)

Here are a few things that have helped me and may help you.

• Find others who understand. I’ve said to many people "Even if my story isn’t exactly the same as yours, I have felt that emotional pain that feels like a physical pain". OUCH!
• Take a walk. Of course :)
• I started a journal a few years ago where I write down anything that has encouraged me about this situation. I read a lot of books, so I will write down quotes, thoughts, etc. Maybe something hopeful someone said to me. Even a few “It could be worse, at least we don’t have ____”.  I know...pathetic, but it works sometimes. :)
• Pray.
• Get a life! Compartmentalize! Do things you like-and more important–BE in that moment!
• Laugh!

So now you know that I’m not all about fun, fitness and food! I have spent 50 years learning how to manage my anxiety and let go of what I can’t control-which is pretty much everything-haha!! It often takes us “control freaks” an entire lifetime to figure that out :) But as I said in a previous post-stress can kill you.

I promise my next post will be a little more entertaining! But, hey, this is a part of ME! Think I'll go for a walk.............