Stephanie's Words.

A blog by Stephanie Bishop Fletcher.

On May 13th of this year, I left a Facebook posting on Jen Slepicka’s (Marketing Director for Suicide Prevention Services and mastermind behind SPS’s upcoming, June 1st Skylantern Festival: www.starsofhopefestival.com) timeline.

It simply read: “Where it all started...:-),” followed by one of my previous Facebook postings, “There was something inherently magical in the silliness of dressing up in a Santa suit with my children and group of others working for a great cause, and parading through town this morning. It felt good...it felt really, really good.”

The posting was in reference to the Santa Shuffle (www.santashuffle.org) fundraiser that took place the previous December, the event at which I formally introduced to myself to Jen. And it’s true, it was then that my friendship with Jen began, but it isn’t where my story with Suicide Prevention Services begins.

My story begins on May, 16, 2000. Tragedies have an interesting way of affecting our memories, boring their way through our brains and wrapping around all of our neurotransmitters like poison ivy, choking the life out of more delicate times in the duration of our beings up until that point.

It was a Tuesday, I remember that, and I can’t specifically recall if it was a sunny day or not, but something in the recesses of my memory wants to say that it was indeed a sunny day. I had just given birth to my daughter, my firstborn, exactly a week prior. I had also just turned 24. At some point in the evening hours on May 16th, there was a knock at my door.

The pastor of the church I was attending at the time and my father were standing on my front porch. Because I had a newborn I had become accustomed to the idea of visitors, but I remember finding the juxtaposition of the pastor next to my father unusual, as my father wasn’t a particularly “faithful” man.

The two men entered my home, and my father said, “Something’s happened; it’s David.” He had taken his own life. The memory of that moment is seared in my mind. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

I recall falling to my knees, screaming things like, “No!” and “Why?!” I was feeling every horrible emotion in one sweeping moment. The floor had just fallen out from under me, and there are no words that could begin to even come close to describing how I was feeling at that moment.

The next week was kind of all over the place. Some of my memory of the funeral is blurred, while other bits are as clear as if they’d happened yesterday...holding my grandfather’s hand while he was shaking, watching girls who were far too young to be paying respects to a peer and friend walk up to my brother’s casket and lay roses on his chest, kissing his stone cold forehead one last goodbye.

The truth is, I’m angry with my brother for that. The birth of my firstborn is now only a blur for me, but my brother’s death permeates so much of that time period. His death stole what should be one of my most precious memories from me.

I was recently told that in order to truly process loss/grief, we need to talk about that loss for what sounded to me, at the time, some insane number of times. I think it was something like 50 times.

I’ve never been one to truly talk about the loss of my brother. After my brother’s death I attended a handful of survivor support groups through SPS, but at some point life got away from me, and my own healing was put on hold.

I was raising babies, going back to school to finish my Bachelor’s degree, working...my life moved on, with the memory of my brother always just lingering under the surface.

Fast forward to fall 2012. Via Facebook and one of my friends who’d lost her own mother to suicide, as well, I learned that SPS was initiating a skylantern festival as a fundraiser.

Instantly drawn to and fascinated by idea, I purchased my lantern and planned on attending with my children, my daughter who was then 12 and my, at the time, 10-year old son.

It was the most beautiful experience I’d ever had, and it was at that point that I knew I could have the strength to not only fully acknowledge my brother’s death, but to start becoming involved in something bigger, an idea that had been rolling around in my head for some years.

Granted I’ve been slowly dipping my toes in the water, so to speak. The Santa Shuffle was my second fundraising experience with SPS, and the upcoming, June 1st, Skylantern Festival is my third.

Suicide is not a comfortable topic of discussion for anyone, and I’ve always hated the idea of making others uncomfortable. Maybe some of that is pride, and maybe some of that is fear of the pain. Yet, here 13 years later I find myself telling you my story.

Some of you, I know, and some of you whom I have yet to meet. I’m not telling you my story to make you sad, or to make you feel pity for myself and my family.

I’m telling my story for much different reasons: to make you aware; to help others find a connection; and probably most importantly (and self-serving) as part of my own healing process.

My brother, David Bishop, was 21-years old when he took his own life by closing my father’s garage door and turning on the ignition of a car. He was an All-American kid, handsome, smart, an exceptional baseball player, and well liked. He left behind my father, my mother, my sister, myself, and many people who loved him.

Here is a clip of Stephanie on the radio with WSPY on May 13, 2013: http://youtu.be/f8nFvH8Z2XI

About Suicide Prevention Services: Suicide Prevention Services of America is one of only seven organizations in the United States devoted to saving lives and restoring hope through prevention, intervention and postvention. Suicide Prevention Services of America (SPS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to reducing and eliminating suicide and suicide attempts through education, advocacy, and collaboration. SPS offers support groups, training, counseling and more. The organization was founding in 1982 as a support group for survivors of suicide. (http://www.spsamerica.org) 

Join us for our Skylantern Festival on June 1st: 

What: Stars of Hope sky lantern festival
When: 8 p.m. Saturday, June 1, 2013
Where: Campbell football field, near 800 Game Farm Road, Yorkville
Event website: www.starsofhopefestival.com
Facebook page:www.facebook.com/starsofhopefestival
Event e-mail: starsofhopefestival@hotmail.com