Best of Ankeny Craigslist: Bad Tails, Ghost Tales and Tales that Just Ain’t Right

This doesn’t seem quite right. A free haircut in general seems to be a bad idea. Cheap haircuts often are. Patch got one once and looked like she’d had a nasty fight with a Weed Wacker and lost.

Is that what happened here?

Hint: This fake hair may belong to you “If you're the woman that was fighting with her man on the sidewalk, having the driver block the road with their Tahoe.”

Don’t care who you are. That’s funny. Best of Craigslist worthy.

This doesn’t seem right, either. It’s weird.

And then there’s  really, really  weird, as in otherworldly. Are ghosts a big problem in Iowa? Patch thinks so, after reading the “groups” section on Craigslist.

There’s this and this and this to suggest that we’re not alone.

Around the Patches
Love or something like it is sprouting like toadstools from all that rain.

In Johnston, a gorgeous blond dressed in black stood there while he was talking to the property manager. You guessed it: He wants a date.

Ruth, do you have a defibrillator? In Urbandale, his heart just skipped a beat.  And then there’s this.

In West Des Moines, someone’s heart has been ripped out for reasons that remain mysterious. And, dude, you did not just take your own picture in the men’s room, did you?

Because you did, hopefully it’s not you who wants your friends to hook you up with that phone sales woman at the mall,who was short, blond, chipper and “cute as hell.”

Hell’s cute? Not in the church Patch grew up attending, because we’re talking fires a trillion times hotter than anything you’ve ever felt, hotter even than that time you set yourself on fire messing with the chemistry set, and they will burn your through all eternity until your soul is nothing but a cold, useless cinder.

Whew! Good to get that out.

In Ankeny, their eyes met over gas. Gas pumps. What were you thinking? Also, talk’s cheap. Not like this:

“I doubt you will ever see this, but I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your kindness each time I come to the gym. You are always at the front desk and you look up at me with your beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile and say ‘hi.’ I believe you cut your blondish hair recently and I think it looks great! If you think you might know who this is and want to get coffee sometime or a meal together let me know as you seem like a very cool person :) When replying please describe me so I know you are the woman I have described.”

Meanwhile, someone near the western front in Waukee knows it’s creepy — there is that to be sid for him – to comment on the off-the-charts charming and cute woman drinking a piña colada. Of course she was.

Reminds Patch of a story about the time she walked into a tough biker bar during her unfortunate infatuation with ruffles and ordered a piña colada.

“We have Budweiser,” said the surly, humorless bartender, who sounded like and seemed to be trying to act like Sam Elliott.

That is all. Be happy. Stop your wallowing in it. Have a great weekend.