Best of Ankeny Craigslist: Vampire Seeking Same, Politics Simplified

Do you believe in vampires?

This is not a joke. Sure, right. And Craigslist is a great place to find dates. If you believe that, you believe in vampires, too.

But before we wade up to our eyballs into all that Craigslist angst, there’s more:

Craigslist politics: Liberals will blame Bush. Conservatives blame Obama. Oh, and they don’t believe in science. Any questions?

Of course. Do you hate your job? What does it even mean? This guy seeking advice need a dictionary.  Endless metapause? It’s not her hormones, dude. It’s you.

There’s lots of free stuff on Craigslist.

Would anyone like some “dandy lions”? Is this a lion with a flare for fashion? They’re free, unless the answer arrives via text message. That’ll cost a dime.

If you’re looking for a freezer that doesn’t work – and who isn’t? – this one’s free for the taking.

Now, here’s a deal. The stuff’s not only free, you’ll get paid to take it away.

Horse manure! So you say. And a free litter box, too.

If you can’t give it away, why not just bust it up for fun? It’s not for everyone …

Around the Patches

In Waukee, is this how you control your intake? It would be cheaper to buy it by the fifth, but if that’s what it takes to ensure moderation, Patch is all for it.

Because whiskey and brand new cars don’t mix. Someone who had too much of one and wasn’t licensed to drive the other totaled Patch’s brand new vehicle a few years back after blasting through a red light going about a million miles an hour.

Yes, Patch is bitter.But not this bitter.

Oh, good grief.

And, dude, 30 years is a long time to wait. At least you’re not alone.

Is she lying? So it seems.

Where are the decent, normal women? Probably not on Craigslist. Wanted dead or alive: Is that decent and normal?

But there was this one woman at Planet Fitness in Urbandale who might fit the Bill – or the George, or the Tom, or whoever that clueless man is looking for good, decent women on Craigslist.

In Johnston, does he just lack boundaries, or is he a player?

In West Des Moines, this old dude has posted before. Run, Dawnl, run. Fast. Or report him. Unless you have freaky-colored hair. This dude’s just looking for a friend,

In Ankeny, that pierced tongue was riveting.

There’s just so much angst and pain out there. This isn’t so much painful as it is pathetic. And this is confusing. He’s just looking for karmic balance.

Everyone’s a poet.

Or not.