"Dear Graduates," (3 Decisions That Shape Your Life)

Dear Graduates,

It's a big world. Whether you are leaving high school and the predictiblity of the school life you've known for the past 13 years or you are stepping out into the world beyond the college campus, it can be a daunting task to hold onto your dreams in the face of our current financial, political and societal situations that we are constantly being told are getting worse by the day.

What I know for sure is- We ALL need you to hold onto those dreams and make them real.

There's a wonderful new movement of people of all ages out here encouraging you to do just that- Take a look at any social network and you will find a plethora of images with beautiful nature scenes and fluffy kittens with encouraging phrases and advice of this kind. Those are nice, and I like them, but I want to give you something real. Something to think about now and to hold onto when things get a little rough out there. 

There are THREE decisions we are constantly making, whether we realize it or not, that shape our lives. I invite you to consider them consciously as you move through the world, and watch the world shape itself to your dream as you create the life you want. Because, you see, what holds people back in life is not the political situation, nor economics, nor society's expectations, nor what kind support they've had at home-- it's the decisions they've made based on what they think all of that means for them.

So the first decision is: What are you going to focus on? Whatever you focus on, you feel. Even if it's not true- you feel it. Whatever you feel, becomes your experience. What you experience is your life. Have you heard the expression, What you focus on expands? Perhaps you've had the experience of having made a mistake and finding that everyone around you wants to focus on the problem created by that mistake- talk about the problem, analyze the problem, create strategies to "fix" the problem... and all the while you might be thinking, "Can we just move on?"

Perhaps you've felt that everything else- all that you're doing right, all that you're doing well, creatively, courageously, intelligently, patiently, compassionately... is being ignored. What is your experience of that life? It might be that 98% of your life is going well, but everyone has somehow focused on your 2% problem, and as a result- your life becomes all about that problem. That little 2% problem has now grown is size and scope because it has been made the focus of your life.

Now, I'm not advocating that you ignore your problems. We make mistakes, we own up to the problem it's created, we do try to fix it. But the essential decision you make with What are you going to focus on? is keeping it in perspective with what you do well and what is going right in the world. Let the 2% problem, occupy no more than 2% of your time and attention. Because you've got an awesome 98% of your life that is also deserving of your time, energy and attention. And, remember, 98% "correct" is almost a perfect score. It's pretty hard for even the most critical among us to complain about almost perfect.

The second decision we constantly make is:  What does it mean?

As we move through the moments of our lives, we determine what each event means to us, what it means about us, what it means about others, what it means we can do next. Every conversation, every feeling, every thought gets categorized in our mind according to the meaning we've assigned it. Is this the end or the beginning? Is it exciting or scary? Is it a sign of good things to come or of my pending misfortune? Does that person like me or hate me? Am I good enough or not? Am I ready for this or not?

One of the greatest life skills you can develop is challenging your own assumptions. When faced with a problem you have to resolve, ask yourself "Is it even true? Is this a problem?" Do you have all the information you need in order to know for certain that it is true? Whether it's communicating with your roommate, resolving a problem with your loved one, or negotiating a new contract, your "bottom line" is meaningless and utterly useless until you've fully investigated all aspects of that thing, which naturally includes considering new possibilities and other perspectives on the situation.

Until you are willing to get into the nitty gritty of that level of information gathering before you start problem-solving, you are trapped in an unneccessary pattern of speculation. What happens next? Based on misinformation or missing information, you start believing the problem is necessary- and then it becomes your life. You can avoid that by broadening your awareness about how you are determining What it all means.

So now... you've chosen your focus, keeping your successes and your problem in perspective. You've challenged assumptions and determined the meaning of your experience by broadening your awareness and collecting information... Now the question becomes What are you going to do?

Now we can take action. Is it time to leave or stay? Move forward, go back, maintain? Is it time to get help or branch out on my own? Is it time to love, forgive? It is time to break something down and start over or do I want to build on what I've started?  The first two decisions clear the path for our conscious, most reliable action. Now I can be more clear on what to do. Based on what we've considered in 1 and 2, we can see how easily people move their lives, relationships, careers, and health down disasterous roads by simply moving into action without the proper focus and by applying meaning without all of the available information and possibilites in mind. And it's not that they can't fix it, turn it around and recover, but their road has been made so much more difficult, hasn't it?

The truth is, life balance is only achieved through our constant adaptation to ever-changing states. True "balance" along the linear timeline of life is no different than a tight rope walker making his or her way across a high wire. Adjustments are made according to each new moment- a tremble along the wire, a strong breeze throwing off their next step, a loud noise causing a startle... the goal is clear and she knows she is moving in the right direction. Only by making those adaptations along the way will she make it to where she is going. Moment by moment, we can adjust our focus, our meaning and our actions according to what is needed.

A happy, "balanced" and successful life may not be "easy"-- but it is just that simple. Good luck out there. We're all rooting for you and your greatest success and happiness as you shape the world and the life you want to have in it.