​Wild Goose Chase

Caption: Maria Houser Conzemius fortifying herself with Irish coffee at the Sag Wagon Bar in Cedar Rapids prior to the cold, windy Ididaride bicycle ride 2/4/17. Photo taken by Shana Kellor of Lone Tree, Iowa.

At Sen. Matt McCoy’s (D-Des Moines) speech at Prairie Meadows in Altoona, Iowa last Saturday (2/18/17), I ran into Mike Gass at the end of the speech as I was leaving and he told me to show up at Sen. Brad Zaun’s (R-Urbandale) town hall meeting at the Performing Arts Center in Urbandale.

“I’d be delighted to,” I said, thinking the Performing Arts Center was a place, and surely Urbandale was a place.

“OK Google now” couldn’t make heads or tails of the navigation direction. I should have stayed in my driveway right then or there.

But no, I had to head out in the snow and ice (mostly in my own neighborhood, not on I-80 at that point) and find the place. Only I never did find it.

I did see a visual cautionary tale of why it was a good idea to leave later rather than sooner. It had snowed an inch or two the night before. I spotted a semi standing upright in the median. I spotted another semi badly jackknifed and crushed. Then I saw another, then another. I saw another semi lying on its side, then another with the cab upright and the trailer turned over. I saw several pickups off the road, one crumpled all over but standing upright. I saw a van tilted on a steep embankment with the front facing toward the road. No one was in any of the vehicles.

My son called me while I was on I-80 and I was listening to the radio and didn’t hear the phone ringing at first. I picked up my cell phone from the cubby hole it was resting in and Jesse said he was coming over to do some work on the workbench in the back of our garage. He mentioned that he lost his hat that I knitted him years ago and asked me to knit him another. I said I would.

I told him I didn’t know where I was going, and he reassured me that someone friendly in a convenience store would help me in Urbandale, and he was right. People did try to help me, but they all thought I was trying to find the Wells Fargo Arena. They drew a blank on the “Performing Arts Center.” When I finally got to the Wells Fargo Arena, I found the state wrestling event in progress. No Brad Zaun.

As I was walking back to my car, an elderly white man careened around the corner and nearly hit me in the pedestrian walkway. The light was with me, but he should have yielded to me anyway and not been driving like a crazy person in a crowded area.

However, I was hardly faultless in my own driving. Earlier, I accidentally bumped a car ahead of me on a side street just after I got directions from a Fed Ex driver. It was just a gentle bump at a stop sign, but still. A young black man in a fur coat got out of the car and asked me if I was all right. I said I was fine and asked him if he was all right. He said he was fine. He looked at his bumper and couldn’t see any damage. So in essence, he said, no harm, no foul. He was very polite and well spoken. I forgot to look at my front bumper, but my husband did later and said it was fine.

So I learned a few things. First, don’t waste three-quarters of a tank of gas if you don’t know precisely where you’re going, even if the address sounds plausible.

Second, don't look at your cell phone when you should be looking at the car and the road ahead of you.

Third, be more politically active. I am now, post 2016. I gave money to my favorite candidates and volunteered a little, but I realize now I need to step up my game. I regret missing the chance to protest Sen. Brad Zaun, an alleged stalker who wants to expand gun rights. However, I'll be there next time with precise directions or I won't go.

I know that regardless of whether I’m there to protest or not, foolish, irresponsible Republicans like Sen. Brad Zaun are going to legalize machine guns (Zaun said it's a non-issue because machine guns cost $20,000-$40,000 apiece); put guns in the hands of toddlers; legalize dangerous fireworks over the protests of paramedics and ER physicians; selectively destroy collective bargaining rights for public employees (AFSCME lawsuit over Republican selectiveness of what constitutes a public safety employee pending); and do all of the crazy things they’ve apparently been longing to do when former Sen. Mike Gronstal (D-Council Bluffs) stood in their way. Now that Gronstal is gone, the inmates are running the asylum.

Fourth, don’t judge a book by its cover. The only person who gave me good directions to the Wells Fargo Arena, which is what I asked for, was a friendly black man who told me exactly how to get there. The guy who drove irresponsibly and nearly ran me over was white. The guy I bumped into from behind, a guy who had a perfect right to be at least a little irritated with me, was kind, solicitous, and polite. He looked like someone I would typically be at least a little afraid of, but he couldn’t have been nicer.

As I drove back home, I asked GPS to navigate to Iowa City. Keep it simple, right? I saw the message read out, “Navigate to Iowa City.” I didn't even give my home address. I know how to get home in Iowa City.

Carefully and in great detail, GPS took me to a back street in Windsor Heights and told me I’d arrived at my destination.