Best of Johnston Craiglist: A Promise to Universe and All that Drama

Craigslist is a lot of things. This week, Patch discovered it’s other worldly. We’ll start you off with a

Craigslist proposal – of marriage, we think – directed toward a yet-unknown love.

Dear, you had it right when you named the drama: Jerk. Don’t capitulate.

“I still want you to hold me in your arms and treat me like your princess and run away to our own little deserted island. I feel like some stupid naive high school girl who just got used and played and I hate you for making me feel this way.”

Some dignity, please. This isn’t Gilligan’s Island and you’re not Ginger.

Did She Think No One Would Call Her Names?

It’s likely she’s not the girl for you if you can’t “carry on an adult conversation without throwing a hissy fit.” Or if you’re single.

This isn’t an advice column, but did she think she could throw that out there without  getting this and this? Careful that you don’t get the boot there, Missy.

And then there’s this gut-wrenching romance novella.

Remembering a lost love.

You missed someone and called them an oasis. Who said that?

Around the Patches

Help me Rhonda: In Johnston, is the conference room booked?

Also in Johnston, you didn’t exchange numbers.

In Urbandale, you bickered until you split. Do you think you can lick the bottle and go back?

In Ankeny, Single and Ready to Mingle wonders if it’s too early for a May to December romance. Listen, Mister, you had her so shook up that she could barely eat her broccoli cheddar soup. Is that not just a turn on?

Also in Ankeny, Boo Bear? Really? Patch doesn’t even know eighth graders who would saddle their significant other with a moniker like that. Ew. Tasting stomach bile.

In Waukee, she’s looking for a man between the ages of 38-52 who works, drives, has goals and doesn’t live with his parents.

Hippie love? At McDonald’s in West Des Moines, be sure to wear a flower in your hair.

Somewhere in the western ‘burbs: Desperate housewives and/or househusbands? Go with it. It’s a metaphor.

Iowa Outposts

Needs more clues in Carroll.

No name, no town in Iowa: STOP SHOUTING.

In Martensdale: Was your face red?

Get over yourself in Altoona. “I am very attractive, you will find me in altoona walmart most the time working, i am very intelligent and wonder if you have seen me or not …” Really?

In Southern Iowa, she’s just not the same.

And Finally …

Confidential to “My River Nile”: You were simply amazing and you have a brilliant mind.