Best of Johnston Craigslist: Cat Whisperer Needed, Hedgehog Wanted

Americans love their pets and spend millions of dollars annually on their comfort and well-being.

Well, most of us, anyway.

Are you a cat whisperer? Patch, living with her own devilish cat, knows a bit about this. Hang tight. She’ll get nicer in 10 or 12 years.

More Animal News

In Perry, a “jerk cat” mauled a mother squirrel. It’s in triage on someone’s front porch, but the nest is too high to return it to its little ones. Ideas?

Does your pet have a Facebook page? If so, do they need friends?

Someone in Ankeny wants a hedgehog.

You Give Love a Bad Name

So. Much. Sadness. And what they had was is now just a bad memory. Then why add this: “You will always have the keys to my heart and I still wish I could take you to see the stars.”

It was too true.

Sweet innocence in a shared cab. How about Round 2? 

You had a leaking tire and readable PowerPoint presentation Is it true that “the women are strong, the men are handsome and the children are above average” here, too?

Gas station hookup?

It might work out if you’re single, tall and have a rakish grin.

He wants to “conversate,” but she was working. Take that however you want, and you'll probably be right.

Are you going to eat your Tots?

What makes a good woman? Patch objects to this.

Holy Batman, what a coincidence. This is fairly clean and funny:

“The couch had a strange, gaping abyss within it and we were able to recover a toy Batmobile from it, which was a strange coincidence because you were wearing a Batman t-shirt. …”

Here’s one of many face-palm moments: Man gets haircut by someone who is “exceptional to look at.” Someone else paid for the do and he stiffed her on the tip. Now he wants a date.

Yeah, that’ll work.

This just in: Cougar spotted in Clive.

Around the Patches

It takes all kinds in Urbandale. Also, a man in a famous brown shirt caught you looking.

In Johnston, she’s out of his league.

In West Des Moines, this feels a little creepy. Also, girls covered in tattoos are intimidating. How about dinner?

All the dirt (and sand) you can stand in Waukee. Gotcha! What were you thinking? Unrelated: so long, hippie days.

In Ankeny, a curb alert, baby. And free shoe boxes. Free shoe boxes?

Etc.

Why Tupperware is better than aluminum foil.

Everyone’s an engineer.

Sing along with Patch: Where have all the Schwann’s trucks gone? Long time passing … (Sorry, proof that too much time on Craigslist will rot your brain.)

Further proof: Patch spent a couple of minutes pondering this.