Best of Johnston Craigslist: House-Trained Men, Will Trade Magic Horse for Albino Chickens, You Want to be the Pope and ‘Hey Baby, Want Some of My Pi?’

If Craigslist Dating is ever going to work out for anyone, it might be for this guy from Waukee, who put some actual thought into his post and does not exhibit obsessive stalker qualities (though he does admit to maybe being just the tiniest bit anal about color coordinating everything).

Couple of other things – he’s too cheap for eHarmony and he hates shoes. He owns a “bazillion” – however many that is – socks  because he doesn’t like looking at his feet. He can drink beer better than any girl, he swears like a sailor, and might insist on naming any children the two of you might create in this match made on Craigslist.

But, boy howdy, can he bake. Check out that Pi pie. Our boy gets a bazillion bonus points for that – it being so close to Pi Day (March 14) and all – and a flag from Patch for “Best of Craigslist.”

No need for thanks. Just Patch being Patchy.

This, on the other hand, seems sort of stalker-ish.

And then you rode off into the sunset, never to be seen again? No. Is this not just painful to read?

And this is just weird. Then again, what else is there to do in Anchorage in the middle of winter but post ridiculousness on Craigslist?

True blaspheme is hard to find. Is this it?  Or is it smart satire?

Around the Patches

Women of West Des Moines, Waukee, Urbandale, Johnston and Ankeny, here’s an offer no two sane women can resist:

The bonus? These men are completely house trained. And if you’re a twin, all the better.

In Johnston, how about an order of your smile to go?

SLO, SLO sad in Ankeny.

You “crossed eyes” in Urbandale. But do you dance?

Seeking answers in West Des Moines.

You've Lost that Gitty Feeling?

Have you ever had that “gitty schoolboy feeling?”

No?

So you feel like “a narrow, pedestrian passageway in a residential area between high brick walls”?

What wall?

This wall?

Or this one?

OK, that was snotty. We owe you one there, Gitty. We’ll put the power of Patch behind your plaintive plea.

“I’m sorry but, damn, there’s something about you. …  I got all shook up. Your smile, your eyes, your pretty long blond hair, your presence. ... Talk about a long shot putting this on here but I have to try.”

Again, just being Patchy.

That is all.